test-driving planet earth

It's been a while since i've blogged! Well, i'm still sick...been sick for 20 days now, and i'm not enjoying it...but in any case, God's still teaching me stuff!

I've been reading this "god sightings" thing that I mentioned in my last post, and it's been really neat to read the old testament and new testament side-by-side. I never realized how much everyone was test-driving this whole earth thing in the beginning! Even God! Like...at one point He says "man, i regret letting man live to be 900 years old! that's waaaay too long! after this flood, i'll start over and they won't live as long!"

Or when Lot flees from Sodom and then his daughters make him drunk and sleep with him to get pregnant... That one REALLY seems like a "well we're new at this whole 'earth' thing so...". But God doesn't bat an eye, He blesses those kids and creates the ammonites and moabites out of them!

Or Abraham... what a messed up marriage him and Sarah had! First he's a coward and lies to the Egyptians saying "no, she's my sister! you go right ahead and sleep with her!" and they do... He actually lets the Egyptians sleep with his wife! ...then later on, when both Abraham and Sarah are doubting God's prophecy, she gives him her servant... So Abraham has sex with his wife's servant and impregnates her... Heck! If I was Sarah, i'd never forgive him, even though it was my decision! What a messed up family, and yet God decided to make the greatest nation from them...

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But then you flip to the new testament, and Christ says "if you even look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery with her in your heart" ... boy things sure changed!

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Another thing I don't really get... Abraham could chat it up with god, dispite how messed up his marriage was. no sacrifices first, no "holy of holies"... he could just interrupt god's plans and say "what about 30 people in sodom? then will you spare it?" "what about 20? 10?" ...and God didn't zap him dead...

But then later on in the old testament, a man get's zapped dead for picking up some wood for a fire on the sabbath...

I think it's safe to say we cannot understand God, or his grace or His judgment. We just need to have faith and believe that He is a fare, just and gracious God!

christmas

you know... I haven't  been that great at keeping up with God lately. And recently, i've been sick for a while...like..."13-days-and-counting" a while... I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, i've got cabin fever, and it just never seems to end, but you know what? That hasn't stopped Christ from touching me during this holiday season.

Yesterday I finally picked up the bible (first time in a while)...actually, it's a devotional/bible called "God Sightings". It's the whole bible but they cut and paste big passages so you get to read some old testament, psalms proverbs and new testament each day. It's really quite neat! I opened it up and read the first day, which happened to be the creation story and the birth of Christ.  Suddenly my mind clicked, and I realized how pointless this season has been for me so far. I was beginning to dis-like Christmas. Really, this this is a time to celebrate how God re-created a way for us to be with Him; how we were always meant to be with Him...

God touched me that moment, and I began to think about where I was at. As I prayed, I could sense God's grace coming down to me. Then He started speaking to me. He told me to take a hot relaxing bath. light candles, and just relax.
Sounds alright right? wrong! I have an ear infection, and getting my head wet seems like the worst idea ever! especially when the ear is so plugged that I've been hearing 2 tones (one in one ear, and another tone in the other) for the last couple days. But I did it anyway, and decided I would just keep my head above the water. (for most people that's not an issue. but I'm short and my feet don't reach the end of the tub, so naturally my head is usually in the water!)

as I was in the bath, I had a "give up" moment with God. I spoke the lyrics to a song my old youth pastor used to sing.
"Lord I'm tired,
so tired from walking
lord i'm so alone.
Lord the dark is creeping in, creeping up to swallow me
I think I'll stop, and rest here a while.

This is all that I can say right now.
this is all that I can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything.

Didn't you see me crying?
didn't you see me, standing here
wasnt it you i gave my heart to?
wasn't it you who said you'd always be here

and this is it!
this is all that I can say right now,
this is all that i can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything"

There's a third verse... but I'll just fill in some details first. As I spoke those words, really meaning them, I could really sense that Christ was near. I also sensed the warfare in the room and began praying to defeat that warfare. Once that was done, I listened to Christ and He was speaking to me. He was telling me how much he loved me, and that he wants to heal me. He wanted me to put my head in the water...

Obviously I thought he was a bit crazy, but then i got a mental image of the leper who had to dunk in the dirty water 7 times before he was healed. That would have been even WORSE than this (in terms of physically making your symptoms worse) Jesus also put mud on a blind mans eyes...like that should help anything... So with that in mind i said "alright you crazy God! Here goes nothing"

long story short, later that evening I could hear clearly out of that ear!  Christ began telling me other silly things like "you will sleep through the night tonight" (ya right) and "you are going to have energy to clean tonight" and "you will feel well enough to work out tomorrow, but you shouldn't" All of these things have happened. He also told me "you need to start covering your mouth with every cough and disinfect high-traffic spots"...this morning I see that I have pink-eye (due to my antibiotics) and research that it spreads through coughing and touching things like door knobs etc... Pretty crazy God eh?

Now for that last verse...

"I didn't notice you
I didn't notice you were, standing there.
I didn't notice you were crying too.
I didn't know that it was you washing my feet

and this is all
this is all that I can say right now.
this is all that I can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything!"

First Nations movement!

So we had a gospel singer in church today who was dressed in her traditional ragalia, and sang her heart out about Jesus. ...I'm lovin' how God is confirming prophesies! Go revival go!

Altar:

: a usually raised structure or place on which sacrifices are offered or incense is burned in worship —often used figuratively to describe a thing given great or undue precedence or value especially at the cost of something else altar of career>  (http://mw1.meriam-webster.com/dictionary/altar) 


...gee...doesn't that take all the fire out of  the meaning of an altar. Maybe my definition is wrong, but it works for me! I think an altar is something you create out of worship for God. In the bible people made them when significant events happened, and they stayed there for a long time as reminders of those events. An altar is also a place where you can come and meet with God, get advice and make sacrifices to Him, that will ultimately bring you closer together.


I want to make an altar, because I know that I am in no place to be walking closely with God. For me, a symbol of how God has personally covered me with his grace, would be something that would continue to give me faith.  Maybe I'm just being an unfaithful christian... I don't really know! But I sure know this:


I've been straying from him, and he's been waiting for me. I've been following my own desires, and he's been creating new paths for me to run back to him. I've been avoiding him and he's been running into me! I've been treating him like a Genie and he has graciously answered my prayers. I have dishonored Him, but He has not once dishonored or disrespected me. I have lost faith in God, but God hasn't lost faith in me.


Maybe my alter need's to be Christmas itself! It has been a long time since i've spent advent truly meditating on Christ, preparing for Christmas! Maybe this year needs to be different. I have a God that's WAAY better than the above paragraph describes. He is worth spending a little bit of time on this month. perhaps my alter which will cause me to remember, look back at his grace...perhaps the alter where I will sacrifice myself, is a bail of straw and a silent infant. maybe my alter needs to be Christ himself!


Funny, how I knew that all along...

A.D.D. update

So I think it's safe to say these meds are doing something! They said it'd take two weeks to see the full effect but I'm definately noticing results already! I'll just give you a bulleted list!

At Home:

• I am not frustrated by folding socks, because I remember which ones I left on my knee
• When I clean, I don't jump from room to room in a scattered way. I can focus and clean one room. If I have to put something away in a different room, I don't get distracted and start cleaning THAT room.
• When I think of something important, I dont have to drop everything I am doing to do that task. I can finish my present duty and be confident I will remember the important thing later (seriously THAT is mind blowing)

 At Work

• When we are over-loaded with customers in Jewellry, I do not get overwhelmed. I focus on my customer and don't neglect security. I will patiently put things back before rushing to take out the next piece of jewellry for the customer to see.
• When my manager comes to help i dont get flustered, I remain focused on my task and I DON'T forget little procedural tasks that I usually neglect! In fact, my managet didn't correct me ONCE the entire two hour period she was there!

At Band practice

• three other band members got impatient or frustrated but I didn't lose my cool even once the entire weekend
• i was not stressed out
• i didn't run around, make stupid comments, or give a lot of rambling unnecessary advice.
• I was focused on the song at hand, even if it was just the band working on a part.

At Church

•  even curtis couldn't focus, but I did!
• I can still remember every point of the sermon, and the random funny bits of it.
• :) In Excelcies Deo means "God be exalted in the Highest"
•  The Shepherds in france used to yell across the fields at midnight "GLORIA! IN EXCELCIES DEO!" and other shepherds would respond with the same answer
• The churches began using this phrase at their christmas eve mass
• it became a song, about people inquiring about the shepherds joy, to which they responded "you just have to see it for yourself!!"

TAKE THAT WORLD! :)

ADD treatment day1/2

So I dropped off the prescription from my doctor two days ago and haven't gotten around to filling it till now. it's called methylphenidate and I take 5 mg two times a day...it's basically the smallest dose possible and we'll see how it goes and adjust the dose from there! It's an interesting drug cause it only stays in your system for 4 hours. So basically, I can take it when I know I will need to focus on something.

I decided to pull a "here goes nothing" and give it a shot. I just popped a pill, so we'll see what happens! I'm definately nervous about it... but apparently one of the side effects is loss in appetite... which for me is a good thing! lol!

I really hope this works out. it'll be nice to have a bit of control and think clearly for once.

PS: I haven't told my mom about this yet. If you've ever met her, then you probably understand that I don't want her making a big deal out of it. I plan on telling her once i'm settled into a certain dosage and have been on it for a while (A.K.A her opinion will have no effect or meaning on my life decisions)

Other than that, feel free to keep me in your prayers, and read my blog posts to get further updates on how the drugs are making me feel! I have a band gig this weekend, and lately my ADD has been a bit rediculous at practices, so I'm curious how the weekend will go with the drugs!

:) whoot!

A.D.H.D Much?

So this post is going to seem more like a journal entry. Consider yourself privelaged into my personal thoughts! (as if you weren't already forced to be, against your will at some point in our friendship :)

Lately as you may know, i've been working at SEARS in a seasonal position. All's well there, but I am still quite discouraged that I just can't seem to land a Social Work job... A degree just isn't good enough and I'm beginning to tell myself all kinds of negative self-talk like "i'm not really a social worker, i'm just pretending to be" or " nobody wants someone like you to work for them" etc...

in the VERY recent past, Curtis and I have realized how much my A.D.D has affected our relationship. As he directed me to quotes in a book he's read about A.D.H.D in marriage, I began to realize how much ADHD is not only affecting my marriage, but my friendships, my work life, my job search, my prayer life, my fitness goals etc...
 Long story short, we're looking at the possibility of getting me medicated for ADHD. There was a girl on the C'n'C retreat who was on meds for ADHD and she swore by them! She still had a vibrant energetic personality, but she was able to cope and focus.

My issue? we're poor and don't have coverage, but were not poor enough that the Government would pay for therapy and drugs ya know?

here's my interesting twist. After talking to my ever-so-supportive dean from Booth, I felt patronized. the only solutions she saw for me was to go to mobile crisis for therapy and talk to opportunities for employment about getting help in my job search...good grief... now i'm just a mentally challenged hopeless cause... she didn't even give me a "i'm glad you're working through this" or a "excellent self-awareness" no... just a "talk to your doctor, you need help etc... etc..."

now i'm just pissed, frustrated and a bit confused about the whole thing...bah!

Rememberance day

So It's been a while since i've blogged! Apparently a job makes it more difficult to blog then I thought it would. I think what really matters though, is that working all the time makes it much harder to stay in tune with God! Cause your focus is divided, and you are required to devote 40 hours of your week to the mission of whatever agency you're working for. My daddy used to say "when they are paying you, then they own that time. they own those eight hours of your life, and you need to do what they tell you to." That's why agreeing to work somewhere should be carefully thought through I guess, not just jumped upon. If they want you to be a pushy sales person then you gotta do it.  (thats not something i'm required to do though)

So in the spirit of working on remembrance day, I figured I'd take a moment and reflect on what it's all about. Obviously it's about peace, and paying our respects to those who have risked or sacrificed their lives for us in the name of that peace. But then I thought (in my ever-so-cliche way) about Christ as the ultimate soldier. He came in the name of peace, not afraid to  make a scene for his cause. He definately fought for us.

He fought for our ULTIMATE freedom. The ONLY true freedom...

when we think of it that way, it's a bit less cliche. In the end, what does political freedom get you, after death? Nothing. What does world peace give you after you are gone? nothing. Constantine...what does RELIGIOUS freedom give you after you pass away? absolutely nothing but burning embers and luke warm faith. But christ fought for the only real cause in our existance, and that is the freedom to be with our creator!

Don't get me wrong, I would like to pay my respects to people who serve our country. They are brave in a way i could never be. But I think it's important not to forget the very God that kept many of those soldiers going... The God that fights wars over people's souls every day, every hour. The God who doesn't sleep during war.

Thoughts of a lazy heart

Bah...you know, it's rediculousely easy to get lazy in this fight (the eternal one that is). Especially when it seems like your alone and on a completely different level than the rest of the people around you, in your relationship with christ...

I know it's the way Christ has designed me, and I've known it since childhood...I've always been on a different level... It's just really hard sometimes when your husband, your friends, church, work, occupational field etc... aren't necessarily with you, or even comprehending you...
I realize that may sound really prideful, but I guess it's my reality. I mean, who else around me has gone on a honeymoon with Christ, speaks in tongues, propheceyes,  sees visions of things to come, hears radical requests from christ on a daily basis, and is constantly aware of the spiritual war that's going on? Who else around me fully and truly realizes that everything in this world is just a cheap plastic game that satan can break at any time? Who else around me see's what really truly matters?...and sees it ALL the time, not just during a theological reminder...

who else loses ALOT of sleep over these things, cries over them, and gets depressed about them? I think this is the worst place to be...surrounded by Christians, yet isolated in my faith because of my beliefs.

You know, when your eyes are opened to Christ, they suddenly become opened to the blindness of the church these days...
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Last night I had a worship practice with some of my college friends...seriously it took me almost half the practice to get into a zone of worship...to even remember that I could speak in tongues. Then when I did, it was pretty cool how God revealed to me that despite my laziness the last while (AKA losing heart and giving up, just trying to be like all the other good little Christians), His grace covered it. I don't have to spend a long while praying, or do some outlandish thing for his kingdom before He will fill me with the spirit. He just does it when I call.. He just forgives, and comes... it's great!

One of the songs we sang during our practice  we sang "our god" by Christ Tomlin...oh boy what a powerful song. Suddenly, even though I didn't deserve to be gifted with the sensitivity of the spirit, I was. As the lady from Riverwood set up chairs, So were the demons. they were getting ready for the sunday services...meticulous preparation. As we began to declare this song (it's really hard to NOT mean these words when you're leading the song!) I could feel angry demons trying to shut me up. As we sang "and if our god is for us, then who could ever stop us, then what could stand against" I was litterally sing-shouting those words in the faces of demons as they trembled.... pretty cool stuff.... Haha then I insulted them in tongues!

Any demons listening , know this! OUR God is greater! OUR God is stronger! OUR God is higher than ANY other!

Anywho... those are the ramblings of this somewhat lazy heart...

Jesus

I sat down to do morning devo's and I had yogurt and fruit for my breakfast sitting near. Then I got that feeling that I get before God gives me a prophecy. So  I sat down and proceeded to babble in tongues. Then I heard the voice of my God and He said to me
"Krysta, I want to speak with you. Don't pursue tongues, pursue me..."
To this, my response was to begin thinking of all the names of Christ...well, what He is to me.
Jesus, my savior
Jesus, my author
Jesus, my lover
Jesus, so strong! Stronger than death!
Jesus, you're so worthy of my admiration
Jesus, my leader
Jesus I long for you. I thirst after you like a deprived lover longs to physically be with their spouse. I want you to come over me, come through me, overtake me.

As I began to describe Christ to myself and Him, He began to speak "put the yogurt down...it is unclean today... Live on me Krysta". So I put the yogurt down.  I had intended to go the gym, but God it seems has other plans. "You don't live on bread alone, and today I will teach you this. Drink water. drink my water. Be with me..."
Well, now i'm gonna do just that!
"I long for the water that brings life to me... I long for the truth, it sets man free..." --Shawn McDonald
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Later that morning...
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Man what a morning! It started with some dancing! I was listening to shawn McDonald and worshipped in a vulnerable way I never have before, by dancing. Half way through the dance God whispered "you need a banner for me". and I said "but i have nothing to make it with!" ..."yes you do" He said...He directed me to the back of our appartment, where I happened to find some scraps of fabric from our curtians! They were perfect and flowy for dancing, but still clearly just rags...So I began to sew them together by hand...

"This is how I made you krysta... stitch by stitch. I don't use a sewing machine to knit to you together, it takes me nine months to create a person!"
I kept sewing... one row, two rows...three rows "Keep going Krysta,  I never do anything just "good enough"..it is perfect...
After I sewed it I feel like God revealed that A friend at church who is a dancer, will need this on sunday...as if this perticular banner will help set her free.... seems strange to me, but HEY!
So i began painting it with food coloring (which was both fun and messy).

By the end, my hands were stained bright pink... (i have to work now today with bright pink hands) and Christ said "I should be as obvious to those you see, as these stains will be... What will you tell them krysta? will you say "i was playing with food coloring" or will you say "This is from a spiritual encounter"?" 

I was convicted. I STILL don't know what I will do.

When that was done, I did a few other things I felt lead to do, but in the process experienced some warfare! As I defeated the evil one, the LORD lead me to Proverbs 31:10-31... and after reading it he said "Krysta, you will be this woman! I have gifted you to do these things. Keep unto Me and I will do this! Your very mission in life will be your family!"
...wow... I'm not sure what to think! As I read the proverb, I longed to be that woman, yet to I feel like saying "really God? just my family? that's what all this prophecy, prayer and all that is for?"...but hey! What do I know? ...This brings many questions, but also much praise! I know I can rejoice in loving my husband. I can be energised by helping those around me, sharing with them. I know I can look for good deals, work hard, and do it ALL for my family! I know that somehow my prophetic gifts will be used in my family...but there's more to it, this is also referring to my spiritual family...my church... Now that takes Proverbs 31 to an entirely new level!!!!

malikazamaladiziki

lol that title is in tongues...if anyone knows what it means feel free to tell me! :)
so My husband has finally done some research on prophecy and has decided that he is comfortable with me having the gift! This is because In the old testament, the church answered to the prophets, but now, prophets need to submit to the church and that leadership. Because He knows I am willing to do that, and seek out opinions and external discernment, he has decided that what I am doing is still biblical! YEAAAH!!

SALAMAKALIZISALAKAMI!  (feel free to translate again if you know it...)

I keep trying to blog...

But my A.D.D gets in the way and it never gets finished! It's been a craaaazy time! In a somewhat mellow way.

After a day of no Jesus time I was laying in bed and talking to Him... Eventually I just said from the deepest parts of me "Jesus, I want to see you! Can you please come back and see me?" ...I didn't say this with end times in mind, or even a lack of faith. I said it purely because I've been reading the gospels and I'm in love with Him! I want to see Him! Anyway, His response was "yes. you will see me"...I suddenly got this un-earthly nerve-racking feeling in my gut... I realized what I was asking for and what He had said! I'm both excited and nervous to see how He answers this one. Maybe this means I will see the end times, maybe He will reveal himself to me in a radical way beyond my ideas. Maybe He's talking about heaven...my gut tells me it's the end times one, but then again, John thought he was going to see end times too...

Well after this experience, I went to sleep and had a crazy dream (Ps: I was warned that I would experience warfare)... Well, in the dream, the earth was collapsing with explosions and war an natural disasters. It was end times meets global warming at it's finest... A new religion had exploded on the earth in this dream. The religion was that our God is the god of THIS universe...but that this universe is dieing, and there are gods of OTHER universes whom we could pray to to save ourselves from destruction!
I know it sounds silly, but in the dream, I had to think REDICULOUSELY hard not to conform to the new religion. Even worse, I woke up from the dream several times. each time, I tried to bring myself to my senses. When I would begin praying for clarity, I wouldn't get through the name "Jesu...." and I would be forced back into a heavy sleep. In the end I stuck it out, but that dream was intense warfare!!

In other news, dealings with my husband around prophecy are around the same...although he does want to start praying and reading the bible more. He has decided to do some research on prophecy so he can make an informed decision about the matter. Until then, I guess I wait for the LORD...  Am I discouraged? Heck yes I am. I have a husband who doesn't belive that the above dream was even warfare. I have a husband who thinks it's silly for me to think I might see the end times... He doesn't believe me and that's very disheartening... I really want to prophecy, but I also know that's 10 percent of God's mission for me. I still have the other 90 percent to use right now! I can wait to prophesy in faith that God is going to touch Curtis...somehow... right now that looks impossible, but I know that God is the God of impossibilities.

Now for some CRAAZYNESS! Curtis downloaded a bunch of music from i-tunes (yes it's legit). A new Shawn McDonald cd, Jon Foreman (from Jars of clay) and some other stuff...well i've been listening to it while I scrap book and I've noticed a change in both of these artists... Shawn McDonald sounds A LOT like Jason Upton (a crazy worship leader who'se music doesn't sound like melodic songs). His music is just as powerful as Upton's too.   Jon's music (from Jars of Clay) is written from a lonely longing heart...also his lyrics below (the catalyst for me writing this blog entry) seem to prophetically affirm many things prayed about in our small prayer group in Winnipeg. This is just one song... I feel like God is moving everywhere.


Jon Foreman-  Over The River 

Send "Over The River" Ringtone to your Cell 

Hush, hush, hush, hush
Hush, hush, hush, hush

I heard a sound come from the ground
All of the trees are a buzz
Talking in tongues
Talking with lungs
Talking with freedom

All of the earth is soon to give birth
Look at the mountains alive
Birds and the bees, insects and me
All of us longing, longing for home, home
Home is somewhere I've never known

Over the river
Over the river
I've set my hope
Over the river
Over the river
I'll find my home in you, you

Death where is your sting? Your signet ring?
Where is your power? Why all this war?
Death to the score, nations are fading
Kingdom of light, setting us right, finally human
Give me your tongue, you will be done
Inside I'm lonely, lonely for love, love
Love is something I've never known

Over the river
Over the river
I'll find my home
Over the river
Over the river
I'll find my hope in you

Hush, hush, hush 

This affirms birthing, the outbreak of tongues like it's a disease, Satan's futility in all of this, and the longingness of God's people to see him and come home... I feel that this song also speaks into end times to come.   Like I said, this is just one song! Shawny Mac had a song about thirsting after the river...Jon has written many more deep and thoughtful songs... Far deeper than jars of clay ever went. I Just wonder if this movement has begun to be bigger than just Winnipeg or Manitoba. I wonder...in a strange, wonderful and terrible way, if we are actually experiencing the final harvest before end times...wow! 

Shayani said it right when she said that harvest time is messy! Harvest isn't just for collecting the good wheat, it's for exposing the bad! Oh how hard it is to be called to a higher calling and see everything you ever thought was good wheat, be exposed as fermented rotting wheat that is only good to be eaten by Canadian geese....  How do you explain to rotting wheat that God can make them good, without offending them? Another impossibility for Christ to conquer, not me. I have a feeling I'm gonna be stuck in the middle though...if that's what happens, then PRAISE be to God for giving me such a worth-while mission! If I get to insult people the way Christ did, sounds like fun to me!! Hah!

Unity of the spirit

So I experienced a strange feeling yesterday evening. The band I sing in played for a youth group in Rosenort (which was frigging awesome by the way!!), and while we were practicing, One of the singer's friends walked into the church.
Now this guy, the friend of my fellow band-mate has experienced God in a crazy radical way! Jesus turned his life upside down and it gives me shivers whenever I think about it! He shares my radical passion for Christ, and thirst for something greater. During his experience with God, he too recieved the gift of tongues. (Tongues here, tongues there, tongues EVERYWHERE...YEESH!)  **and by the way, Kayla now speaks tongues...and she never thought she would...HAH! TAKE THAT SPIRIT OF DOUBT!!**

BACK to my story!! When J (we'll call my friend's buddy "J" for now) walked into the room and my friend was waving at him, my heart LITTERALLY skipped a beat! like... you know when you turn your neck funny and it cracks and your whole neck is like warm and tingly (usually in a bad way)? Well this was like that, only in my heart and stomach (and in a good way)! My spirit was directed to the scripture where Mary (Jesus's mom) talks to her cousin and her cousin says that the baby leapt within her womb when she saw Mary.

I finally saw someone COMPLETELY unrelated to my own story whom God has touched in the same way! I instantly knew "this is my brother and I could trust him with my life" I knew at once that If I needed spiritual back-up, that he'd be there in a heartbeat. Before I even said "hello" to him, I was aware of a unity in the spirit that is so much greater than we are!

When we prayed before the worship event, I was being reassured by Christ, as we both sat their very quietly praying in tongues...completely separate, yet totally united beyond our understanding. Christ was reassuring me "Krysta, this isn't all in your head. you aren't making it up. This is real. I am real. See how I work in other situations? I am beginning a work and you are within my will and plans".

I think it is so easy for me to doubt because my husband is not in the same place as I. In fact he has respectfully asked that I stop prophesying because he feels I am just trying to be a psychic...Yes, this tears at the deepest parts of my soul, because my husband (whom I love dearly and have chosen to respect) is asking me to stop using a gift from God. I know he just doesn't understand prophesy yet. How could he? The only reason I get it, is cause I've got it! The only reason I have this gift is the grace of God! Therefore out of my nothingness, all I can do is pray. And that is the most powerful weapon of all!

Christ has done a miraculous thing by prophetically giving me warning of this. By telling me not to be afraid to respect my husband, He has given me permission to follow God 100% while obeying His word which says to respect my husband. In fact, Christ has come to me and in the consoling way only He can have, He has comforted me with these words "yes this is a gift you have. And it will be a GREAT gift! I am using this time to sharpen you in other ways that will make your prophetic gift more holy and pure for me! Be patient. I will not give you prophetic words during this time, because you are honoring me by honoring your husband"

... WOW!! What a God! I could not be any happier than I am right now, because I am still recklessly abandoned to my first love! I will continue to do what he tells me to. I will say what He gives me to say! You! You should praise Christ for His greatness! If not  for something you see in your own miraculous life, then praise him for his work in my life! I don't deserve any of it, I'm just an A.D.D. 22 year old with no job!

obedience

God is continuing to shape and mold me. I am so excited to be the woman he has made me to be! Lately He has been teaching me obedience through obeying my husband's beliefs. There are parts of my new journey with Christ that my husband has yet to understand... Because of this I need to back off on those gifts out of obedience to my husband. This is something that breaks my heart, but I am confident is right!

In fact, Christ has been whispering in my ear "this is all in my will"...it's funny how He reassured me that following my husband was within His will (see last post) before any of this happened! Go God!! You are always to be praised!!

live your dreams

So the sermon series at Riverwood is  about re-experiencing your dreams...lost dreams, forgotten dreams...gifts and plans from God. I think it's pretty interesting! Three examples given from the bible were Joseph, Moses and Mary (mother of Jesus) who lived incredible dreams! Joseph had his dreams stab him in the back when Potiphar's wife tried to take advantage of him
***side note** The Greek word for "officer" used for Potiphar is the same word used for uniqe elsewhere in the bible! Who knew man-less men could get married! Makes his wife's position more understandable too...Wrong, but understandable!

Anyway, in the message Pastor Tod talked about different ways people react to getting a dream or vision for their life. They sometimes are prideful (Joseph, bragging to bro's), sometimes they panic (Moses "who am I!?") or they ponder it (Mary)...

Why am I sharing my sunday sermon with you? Because We all have dreams....For me right now, I know that I have been anointed by God himself! I have been propheseyed over by two friends, and I know in my heart and head that I have seen visions of myself on a stage before  hundreds of people, telling them how it is! Exposing demons and lifting up the name of Jesus! I know I will be a bondage breaker, and I am not afraid to broadcast that dream to anyone who reads this! I am broadcasting it because I KNOW it's God's will!

I also know God is going to fulfill my dream of having a family, and a beautiful home with a garden...sounds trivial right? But He has taken the time to confirm that dream for me! I also know I can relax and follow my husband's leadership and I will always remain in God's will! He has confirmed that for me. He will never bring me a challenge that will go against my marital commitment. I am in His will when I honor my husband!


If you know me quite well, you will understand how impossible all three of these dreams seem when smushed together, but God is God and I am not! I am so excited to see Him work, and I will not let go of these dreams! For now, I am pondering these things, tossing them in my memory to treasure forever, and never forget.

cool happenings lately

So my friend just got married. I had the honor of being her maid of honor!  Now that the honeymoon is over, she is beginning to see where human marriage falls short...but luckily she has a strong connection to her savior and is beginning to see how Christ is truly a lover! I am so excited for her to learn that journey!
Something really cool happened to her today when she said "yes" to God. She did devotions on her front steps of the appartment block she lives in...on young street... as she was sitting at the end, a young couple came up to her and handed her an invitation to their wedding. they said "we'd like you to come to our wedding!"...she has NEVER met this couple before, and on the invitation is the passage about the wedding feast...


Now, I understand skepticism about this...maybe it's a Jehova's witness thing, maybe another cult...but REALLY?! She listened to God by doing devo's outside, and this is what happened. Pretty sure it's from God!

well, either way, i'm taking it as a sign from God about end times. He's been telling me how he is rejecting the big churches, and building smaller ones. with the rejects...just like the wedding feast in the bible. SO exciting!

I went for a jog today and God stopped me in a park. He got me to do some excercises and then some balancing streatches. He made me do them with my eyes open, and i did alright, but as soon as He got me to close my eyes, I lost my balance! "you see?" He said "you need your sight in order to stay balanced...you need me in order to stand strong spiritually! Now let me balance you!"

He then proceeded to get me to do some complicated balancing poses i cant do on my own. He got me to close my eyes, tilt my head/gaze etc... and I remained stable until the end!! It was super easy! I should bring Jesus to yoga! haha!
Anyway, it was a cool experience and a reminder that Christ's plans are the greatest ones!

saying "yes" to that voice you try to rationalize away

So here i sit listening to christmas music! Christ told me christmas music isn't really his favorite....what kid likes hearing songs written about when they were born right!? little personal lulabyes broadcasted publicly? (obviously it's a totally different story when it actually brings someone into a place of worship. Then there's nothing He'd rather hear!)
 TOTALLY NOT the point of this post! The subject of this post is saying "yes" to CHrist, even when that voice doesn't seem to make sense for you. I'm not saying you should say "yes" to that voice that tells you to swerve your car into oncoming traffic cause it's God's will...that voice isn't the one from God!

I'm talking about the voice you ignore more regularely! the one that tells you to wear shoes instead of sandles. the one that says "dont take the car today", or that says "smile and say hi to that person; they need it today" or even *Gasp!* "tell that person I love them! They need to hear it!"

Well, therein lies the beginning of my little adventure a couple of days ago! It started with me listening to what Christ wanted to say through me! I asked Him who He wanted to encourage through me today, and He gave me two names. One was a friend from highschool (the ONLY friend i really talk to from highschool still actually!) and the other, was my husband's old pastor that I have maybe talked to twice in my life! "Well okay!" I said as I obeyed (said "yes" to the voice). I then proceeded to bus downtown by missing my preferred bus. As I waited for the 20 to take me up to henderson from Watt, Kayla called and Christ said "don't be ashamed to talk about me to her. these bystanders are my concern, not yours". So I obeyed and spilled my guts out! It was great!

After getting on the bus, Christ said one stop in "you need to get off now!!" so I said "yes". After I was off, He revealed to me that there was an evil presence which entered the bus at that stop which He didn't want to touch me. I walked up to henderson and waited for the ever-so-slow but consistent number 11 bus! The grouchy middle aged man from the bus stop sat next to me on the bus and Christ said "that grouch is a mask. He needs to know that I love him"
"ah yes" i said "he does...i will pray for him" ...
"NO SILLY! YOU NEED TO TELL HIM!"
"oh...crap..." i said as my heart rate increased
"Krysta, what do you have to lose. you don't know him. He is just as much my problem as the bull rushes were"
"your right"...
"...you're still not saying it"
"I KNOW! ...i know... i will"
"He is going to get off at the next stop"
"I'll say it! just wait!"
sure enough he got up to get off... so i stood up and tapped him on the shoulder
"Excuse me, i've been putting this off, but God wants you to know that He loves you."
"WHAT!?" the man exclaimed in confusion
This time looking him in the eyes "God NEEDS you to know that he loves you"
"Get away from me you stupid *%$@#" he mumbled as he got off the bus.
"That went well" Christ said "you got two of the magical seven times a person needs to hear about me" he said mockingly, and i laughed to myself!

my day continued on, and I walked past two homeless men which Christ said "c'mon  I wanna treat them to lunch just as I treated you!" so i repeated "c'mon guys! God want's to treat you to lunch!" as we approached the hot dog stand, i saw they were cash only...so me and one of the men went wandering around downtown looking for a debit machine (seriousely...who ONLY takes cash these days!!). This lead to an awesome discussion about his teaching career and his history in the residentail schools. I gave him an opportunity to vent his hatred for christians. He said "when i left i was so angy, i even burned my bible" I got to tell him that God understood that pain, and even understood what lead him to burn a bible. Eventually I got them lunch and they let me take their picture (with the big box of chips from the hotdog stand of course!)

I carried on my way and went to dollarama to get more supplies for the bachelorette i was planning in the evening when i decided to buy a canvas to paint. An aboriginal man with a scarred face came up and grabbed about 5 canvases, and I was reminded of my crazy college painting friend. so I asked him "what do you paint?" to which he responded "aboriginal art" we talked about aboriginal art for a while and then he offered to teach me how to paint aboriginal art! so I plan to do that yet! I'm going out for coffee with him next week sometime.

Then I began my journey home (you think God's done yet?) On the way home, i took the eleven cause there was no 43 coming within two hours (makes NO sense, cause it comes every 45 minutes). Getting off on Henderson, I inquired of God weather He wanted me to transfer or just walk down Johnson. He said "walk" so I said "yes"...on the way home i met a kind immigrant muslim woman and we talked and encouraged each other. I encouraged her in her english, and she taught me some swahili!

Because I said "yes", my God taught me that He can use a white german girl to help the Aboriginal people. He taught me that I can paint a cultural art form not my own. That he's the God that breaks all divisions, including spiritual bondage.. That He is the God of the grumpy, the homeless, and the muslim woman. All are His creation and not a ONE are out of His reach!


What have you done to say "yes" to that voice today?

Honeymoon Day two and three

Good morning world!! I woke up this morning, to a re-affirmed faith, through the bull rushes adventure (see previous post). God decided He wanted to dress me this morning. I woke up and He guided me through self-care as I showered, washed up, moisturized and deodorized. I heard Him beckon me to wear makeup today, but not yet! I was to get dressed first! So I went to get dressed, and He lead me to my work out clothes. He said "you're going to do a little running"... "really God? I just showered!" "oh it's alright Krysta, You won't sweat much. It's just short." So I put them on, and went outside to jog. As I started to Jog, I felt Christ call me to run. So I ran, right to the place where I sat with Him in the trees. I said "this time I can take the path right? Cause I'm in shorts and the whole poison ivy thing..." to which He responded "Nope! Go through the bush! I am the God of the forest, I will stop the poison Ivy!". Part of me wonders if He will take away my poison Ivy through my faith in walking through it again... But I don't know that for sure (now in hindsight, I know He has taken it away). Anyway, once in that area, God did a trust exercise with me.


As I climbed up the tree trunk, I ended up standing straight up on the "chair". I heard Christ's voice. Now have faith. Trust me and fall back..." Seriously, I just laughed at this. I could feel Christ was hurt, but I just sat there and apologised to Him. My faith isn't there yet. I don't know if it ever will be. He seemed confused. It was as if he was standing on the ground with His arms out saying "I will catch you!"...still I said "no thanks..." So we sat together on the log for a while, before I jumped off. Then I felt God say "what about allowing me to catch you from standing on the ground?" I tried to reason with myself that the worst that could happen is knocking the wind out of me, and needing a couple chiropractor appointments...but still, I did not have the faith to do it.

I squatted down on my feet and put my head on my hands between my knees. I felt shame that I couldn't trust God after all that's happened so far....I heard Christ's voice saying "you are not a failure. It's a journey. I know your heart, and the timing will come. Why don't you try falling back in the position you are in now?"...see that was easy! I'm squatting, so there's really no way I could get hurt if He didn't catch me.

So I closed my eyes, held my knees and fell back... My back hit the ground, and rolled gently with the curve of my spine. I sat myself up and said "see!? I knew you wouldn't catch me!!" I was extremely confused, but still felt Christ saying "you still fell for me though!". So I left the area with that sense of failure and confusion. As I began the jog home, Christ said "run...you need to run the race with perseverance!" So I ran! It's not THAAT far, but I'm seriously out of shape...so for me it took perseverance to run that.... 1/2 of a kilometre...ha-ha. So I ran and I was out of breath, but Christ was right beside me whispering encouragement, until the final moment when He said "stop now". And I could walk...then He said "see? Now your body is warm enough to go look at my lake in your shorts and t-shirt!" ...yeesh! Thanks God! I guess it's good though. So we watched the huge waves for a little bit, before going back up to the cabin. I did feel God wanted me to pick some bull rushes again though, so I did. This time He let me pick which ones. He said "I'll make sure you can get those ones without your foot slipping". He helped me get the rushes. I then decided to put them on the bench again. I wanted to see if Christ would blow the chaff, leaves out of the bench but leave the rushes there.

So I went inside and to the mirror. Christ now guided me through putting on my makeup. "nothing that will add or take away from my creation now!" so no foundation, no blush, bronzer lipstick... I picked up my eye shadow and He said "use green!" ...really God? Green makes me look dead! But I did it. "now purple" He beckoned. So I used the purple. This was followed by mascara, then eye liner on top of the eye shadow. It looked pretty funny, but then Christ told me, to blend the liner into the eye shadow. After I did so, it looked really great! "I'm going to give you eyes even more beautiful than this when you come to heaven! What else do you like? You like the sparkly stuff! Use some of that! I'll make sure you shine in heaven too!" So I added sparkly shimmer powder, and some lip gloss. After that, I was finished! I looked in the mirror and really liked what I saw!! So did Christ! I am His bride, and especially today, I am exclusively His! I look great just for Him! I decided to take a picture, to show how Christ desired me to look. Again, without smile or any special posing. Just as I am.

I also checked on my bull rushes and saw they were still there. Less impressive, seeing as there was no wind. But so were the chaff leaves. They were there too. I picked them out of their wedged places in the bench and threw them away...and felt a desire to throw it all away. With a sense of relief, I picked up those rushes, and flung them in the air with a smile! "well done!"... He said.

I went to Gimli for the morning/afternoon. What an awesome day! When I got to Gimli, I was ridiculously tired, so I looked for a place to get coffee. I asked God if I could get food too, and He said no. But I felt like He was hinting that I should go to "The Pier" for coffee. As I turned to walk towards it, I heard His voice saying "great! Now I'll treat you to lunch!". God likes to bless me when I'm obedient to His voice. So we went in and sat down. It was funny, it felt weird to talk to a person again. I was so used to talking with Christ, that it seemed surreal to talk to a human. I couldn't decide what to order, and Christ kept saying, just pick what you'd like, and I'll worry about the cost. So I ordered the Lake Winnipeg Salad and the Moroccan bean chowder. It was a good choice. The salad was all natural, with fish, a vinaigrette...and the soup was an Indian flavour with a thick, blended bean and chicken broth. No cream. I was pleasantly impressed by both. God said " I could make that soup better! And I've got better fish for you yet!" We had a good time in the restaurant, talking, looking at the waves, rejoicing with the sun, and reading His word. I stumbled upon a passage in Isaiah thirty, which really spoke to me, so I wrote it out. I was able to praise Christ through the passage. It was a nice romantic date on our honeymoon to sum it up.

After I left the restaurant and tipped the waitress somewhat generously, I was going to walk on the pier, when I felt the spirit nudge me to go to the art gallery. So I went! It was free! It was bizarre to see His creation through the artistic eyes of His creation. I heard Him smile as He admired the artwork saying "I make it better". He introduced me to some abstract artwork saying "now this does my creation justice. It just can't be described!" Then I got to meet an artist. For some reason, I just adored her with the eyes of my lover and saviour! It was great! She taught me about perspectives in art, and I was encouraged in my own artistic abilities.

After leaving the art gallery, I intended to go onto the peer when Christ lead me to Sandstone gift shop. I objected, but he said "no, I want to buy you something. This is our honeymoon after all!" So I looked around at the fancy kitchen stuff and God said "no, I don’t want to give you a gift that will create work for you." I kept looking until I saw the rocks! There were geodes that were cut open. I looked at them each, and they were all beautiful. Finally I picked up one that was pretty ugly on the outside, and not all that amazing on the cut side. But when you looked right inside, it was shimmering and pure white! "That's you!" said Christ. He bought it for me. I was so excited! That is, until I heard Him say "if I asked you to, would you throw that rock into the lake?"...I was NOT impressed! After all, it was a four dollar rock! "hey!' He said "it's a gift from me. I give and I take away!" I eventually worked through it, deciding that I would throw it in the water, when I realized this could be an Abraham and Isaac test. "could be" He said.

And so I went on my walk along the peer. It was a lovely walk. I forgot the memory card for my camera and couldn't take any pictures. But I DID get to draw some birds I'd never seen before. That was pretty neat. Jesus also baffled me with how silly science is for saying that water is molecules...looking at the lake, that's a pretty silly concept. How many water molecules are in a single teaspoon of water, let alone a lake!?

As I finished my walk, I realized the rock was still in my purse..."thanks God". I began to walk along the beach with God. We walked close to some seagulls. There were two that were brown and speckly instead of grey and white like the rest. "those are unique, just like you Krysta". We walked a while farther before He pointed out a rock to me that was pure white on the outside, but a muddy grey color inside. "Whitewashed tombs..." I took the rock as a reminder to never be fake. It works right along with the geode which is ugly on the outside but dazzling white on the inside....also goes great with Isaiah 30.

With that, I looked in a couple more gift shops, began some weaving of the rushes and headed for the cabin! When I got to the camp Morton turn off, I felt drawn to the camp to worship. It felt like a sanctuary to me. So I drove in and parked in a place where I could walk to the former chapel. I brought my bible, the bulrushes and my snack....this is where the adventure got crazy! I ended up making a cross with a basket at the bottom to hold the rocks, bark and twig.

It was in this moment that I experienced the consummation of Christ. Christ came over me in an explicitly similar way to a husband. He waited patiently, showing nothing but love, but as the creator of man and manliness, He knew that he WOULD come over me, through me and in me. Nothing would stop that!  I am now one with my saviour! One with my lover, and intimately close to my father and His creation! It was in this moment that I experienced a taste of my worship gift. I can't wait for it's development. It was in that moment that I began to feel the emotions of Christ as He dwelled intimately inside of me.

I am now 100% convinced that God has created EACH of us with a spiritual Hymen (Go ask your mommy if you don't know what that is). The best part is, ONLY Christ knows where it is! Satan will do his darndest to try and rape your soul, but he CANT! It's because he doesn't know where the TRUE place for that consummation is! ONLY Christ knows, and He LAUGHS when satan thinks he's found it! Christ is always the victor, and we are ALL virgins WAITING for Him. It doesn't matter where you've been, what you've done in your life...You're still set-apart for Christ.

I sang all the way home from camp Morton! I felt Christ speak within me that we should celebrate! So I stopped at Bobby-Joe's for ice cream, but they were closed! So I went to Jads, and was going to get some beer batter and fish, but they didn't have fish...so I left. But just as I was about to go, I saw a small shotty sign that said "fish" by someone's house. I went there, and inquired, and the man and his daughter sold me two pickerel fillets for two dollars! He had just filleted them and they were sitting in a water mixture, still fresh! "Thanks God!".

I then went back to the camp, where Christ worked within me to prepare a FEAST!! No artificial seasonings, just pure Godly goodness! I had to laugh to myself, cause every meal today had fish! Jesus is truly in me! What a fisher of men He is! He's sure caught me!

When I was nearly done eating supper, Christ beckoned me to look outside and I saw the lighting was perfect for some pictures. So I was going to quickly go out in my slippers and get a few shots. I felt a need to put my shoes on, and asked "this is going to be longer than I planned isn't it..." to which He said "yes!". So we went on a photo shoot. I met creation, friends, animals, beauty and even a bit of fear towards His creation!

That leads me to the present moment! I plan to rest and relax with my saviour and lover! Tomorrow I will leave when I feel lead, and ready. Probably sooner than I expected!

The next day
The next day, the first thing I did was take a picture of myself:

Not bad for first thing in the morning! I could see God's wild love in my eyes. When I looked back at all three pictures I had taken, God's movement in my soul was OBVIOUS!

God then asked me to take the cross I had made, and  burn it up! I was a bit suprised until He spoke saying "the cross is a symbol of my torture. Is that how you want to remember me? " He continued to explain that I do not need a symbol of my faith in Him, because I have He Himself within me! What good is a symbol when you have the real deal! So with that, I gladly took my teatree oil and put it on the cross and offered the cross as my sacrifice to my God.

After this, I packed up and left! I was home by 11:00 AM and God and I worked out together! It was neat to see how His workout moves were different from my own, yet perfectly designed for my body! I then went shopping, and cooked a fantastic meal with God's direction. He told me "today you will learn how to hear my voice in the city. I sound much quieter and there are many other voices". That is exactly how it was! It was also wednesday, so I ended it all with prayer  group! 

Honeymoon Bull rushes adventure

Okay, so this is the stupidest possible way God could teach me a lesson of faith!!


God got me to pick some bull rushes... He also got me a piece of birch bark, a rock, and a twig. So he got me to put the rushes on the bench and walk away on this windy day, so I would have faith. I was worried, but when I came back 20 minutes later, nothing had moved. I tried the same thing with the light piece of bark on the deck, and again, God showed me His power over creation. It's a WINDY day! It should've all blown away...

Now he's got me all up in a knot over His next request of faith! He told me to put it ALL on the bench and leave it overnight!! Aaah!! It's so windy that the bench is rocking in the wind. The bark is so light and the rushes too!

The funny part is why the heck to I care? It's not even my stuff, it's Gods! Haha! It's HIS creation, I don't even know WHY He had me pick it for crying out loud! I shouldn't be so stressed... But I guess, this shows how little faith I really have... I'm scared that I will wake up and the rushes and bark will be blown around everywhere.

Even funnier, is Christ has expressed His hurt that after everything so far today, I still don't trust trust him. I appologized and asked Him to help my unbelief. In response to this, He told me to look at the rushes. They looked the same to me. Again I asked if I could look. The bench was rocking, and the rushes will still there. The one rush on the top of the bench handle had fallen to a more secure location. Still, I looked around the bench to make sure none had fallen down...

Eventually I sat there laughing to myself as I prayed "God, I surrender the bull rushes to you!"...so I'm still nervous, cause I feel like if they are all gone in the morning, so will my faith be..but I know that that isn't true! I am excited to see God pull through as a result of my mustard seed of faith...hah! IF that...

...The next day...

Haha! Wow did the wind blow last night! I eventually had to close all the curtains so I wouldn't focus on the bull rushes outside. I watched the Chronicles of Narnia before dropping off to sleep. It's neat how Christ's voice can speak when we are listening...in the little moments He speaks...

ANYWAY! So I woke up a few times at night when I heard the wind blowing against the cabin. I was afraid the wind would blow my faith (bullrushes) with it...but I just heard christ's voice as He lay next to me. "is everything alright? I've got you. I'm here beside you and I do not sleep. Remember, though winds blow and storms come, I will be with you and you will not be moved..." I took His encouragement and fell back asleep.

Then this morning, I looked outside, and was NOT surprised to see that all my rushes were still on the bench!! To be honest, I chose to have the faith that they would be there. I would have had my faith horribly let down if they were gone. Not only the bull rushes, but the stick, bark and stone were all still there! I heard Christ's voice say "the least of these is still in my control" referring to the tiny twig that you can barely see in the picture. I joyfully brought them into the cabin and set them down until the time where I feel Jesus wants me to do more with them. I have a feeling I will weave a memoir of this weekend with them or something...

But then later that morning, I had the audacity to go out and just double check that none had fallen on the ground. When I looked around, I found one wedged between the bench boards, as a means of securing it's place.

But I also saw a few smaller ones on the ground. I gathered them up with disappointment...Was my God not all-powerful? Could he not have kept them all on the bench? I inquired of Him about these things. The only word He gave me was "chaff"...To which I just smiled and joyfully threw the small useless pieces away! There's no way I could've weaved with those anyway!

Honeymoon day one

Well, it all started after my parents and husband left. I sort of walked around a bit, to get comfortable with the cabin alone with God. I then sat down on the couch and began to pray in an anticipatory way. "God, here I am, come meet me! Jesus, Holy Spirit, come and meet me!" I used more words than that....Anyway, my parents had just taken us out for lunch to Bobby Joe's, a great little burger and fries joint near the cabin! I was pretty stuffed and my stomach was sticking out to tell that to the world. I looked down at myself in shame. That's when I heard God's voice.


Krysta, why are you ashamed? I created you. I know you."

In disbelief I sat there, rolling my spiritual eyes at God's inner beauty fiasco.

"No seriously Krysta. Let me prove it to you."

God proceeded to beckon me to remove my clothing piece by piece so He could prove to me that He made and loved me. For a while, I just sat there doing nothing. But eventually, after much patient beckoning on God's part, I took my shoes and socks off (I know, scandalous).

"See?" He said "that wasn't so hard!"

I then got up and walked into my parent's bedroom, as if God took my hand and was like "I want to show you something!". I stood there thinking "you're not going to do what I think you are...are you?" To which God replied "You bet I am!". God continued to beckon me, in that room of intimacy past, to continue removing my clothing, so He could admire and affirm my beauty as a part of His creation. I was hesitant, but eventually sighed a sigh of "here we go!" and I unbuttoned my pants. I slid them off my body, to reveal my triangular thighs with accented cellulite (I know, beautiful eh?).

This is where things got a little crazy. I could feel Christ looking on with a smile of wonder as He said "wow! My beautiful bride!" It was as if He was gently caressing my legs, with a smile of wonder, as He said "you are fearfully and wonderfully made!" with a tone of awe and an expression of pure strong love. I realized my shirt had slid up to show the wonderful pudgy lump of the bottom of my stomach, so I went to pull my shirt down, when Christ seemed to say "No no, keep it there. I love ALL of you! That isn't a flaw, it's beautiful!". And so, I found myself facing the same awkward feelings of standing before my husband, revealing myself for the first time. Eventually, I heard Christ's gentle loving voice beckoning me to continue showing myself to Him. So I was going to take off some less-productive pieces of clothing, but Christ continued to say "Krysta, I love you and you are my beautiful bride. Please show yourself, so I can love you more, and fully experience your surrender". ...yes yes... I EVENTUALLY, obeyed Him. This left me standing feeling exposed and embarrassed of my flaws.

Still! I felt as though a sheer joy had crossed my saviour's face, as He smiled at me, once again whispering words of sheer and genuine awe at the beauty of my body which God created. It was like a sixteen year old boy getting his favourite dream car from his father... Pure and genuine joy is what Christ had as I willingly displayed my body to Him in that dark and slightly musty cabin room. I felt Him come up behind me and hold me in His arms. As I began to touch my flawed areas in shame, my saviour just said "it's beautiful!"

After a conversation with Christ about my husband, Jesus just smiled and said "you mean that earthly sinner thinks you are so beautiful that he desired to be with you?"

"..uh, ya I guess so."

"Don't you see how beautiful you must be then? God created Curtis's love and desire for you...how much GREATER is mine!"

With that, my eyes were drawn to a picture on the wall of the mountains, a pond, some trees, flowers and a field. It was a breathtaking picture of God's majesty in creation.

"Krysta, I make beautiful creation! It is all beautiful, including you! I made you beautiful!"

I still didn't believe it. But Christ and I continued to “Selah” on that subject for a little while. I kept bringing up my stomach, and how big it was, and that it was sinful and how could my saviour love a sinful part of my body... Christ responded "first of all, yes, it is sinful. But it's size is not a reason to call it unbeautiful! For I make women's stomachs grow every time they bear a child and yet it is beautiful! And the mother who has a large stomach for the rest of her years, is she not still beautiful? My father has created a thorn in woman's flesh to have a small stomach for beauty, but that is not how the Father’s beauty works. You are beautiful with your stomach. Why don't you let me tell you the ways my father has guided your beauty despite your sinful nature."

And so Christ began from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. He complimented the areas of my body which God has continually shaped to be beautiful despite my sinful nature...

As I played with something in my hair He said "Krysta, you are worried about that little scab on your head. But I have known it was there long before you did! And the one hair on your head that is about to fall out, I have already planned how to grow a new one! You are beautiful and I have all the power of creation to increase that beauty!" With that I found a hair on my arm which was not attached to my head. I smiled to myself.

Then began the topic of consummation in our marriage. (Hey! Don’t diss it, it’s in the word!) My mind flashed back to Wednesday night prayer this past week, where Shiany prayed over me and brought Christ's challenging question to my attention "Krysta, will you stand with me!? ...Krysta, will you stand with me? Krysta, there is a war, and I need you by my side, will you take me seriously and STAND with me!?" ...This question was extremely challenging to me at the time, and my answer was honestly "No Jesus, but I really want to...help me".

Now, in this moment of my exposure, I held up my hands and smiled as I received His grace over my beauty as a part of creation. I was able to say "yes Jesus, I will stand with you." as the thought of Consummation entered my mind again, I just thought towards Christ "That still seems very weird to me"...Jesus responded "That is alright. I am a patient God, and My love for you will take time for acceptance."

After this, I got dressed, and sat on the couch. I felt a bit disappointed, like a newlywed who could not be with their love on the first night for whatever reason... I guess Jesus heard my sigh of disappointment and He ministered to my heart. "Be patient. I am the perfect husband remember? I am not disappointed, but thrilled to spend this time together with you! I will not push you, because I created your comfort zone. I know full well when you will be ready, and I will have just as much joy in that moment, as I have right now"...

"How about a walk in my creation right now?". As I walked up to the lake, God said "Look how big it is! Right now, this is all for you!". We then continued to walk, and God put it on my mind to gather some bulrushes. He said "I've used basket weaving before. Gather these.” I didn't know why, but still I saw some in the ditch of our neighbouring cottage and gathered them up! As a brought them back to the cabin, I heard God's voice "no, don't put them inside yet, just leave them on the swinging bench." ...you have to understand, it is a pretty windy day! But none the less, I had just finished exposing myself to this lover and expressing trust, so on the bench they went!

As I continued to walk, I felt the need to take a picture of my face as it was...no smile, no adjusting the face, just a picture. Unflattering, unhipocritical. A genuine naked facial picture. It looks so terrible it's almost worth laughing at. As I turned off the camera, I heard Christ's voice say "it's beautiful!" with a genuine joy. In disbelief I turned the camera back on to reassure myself of the picture's uglyiness. Instead of uglyness, I saw a ingrained frustration or confusion in my eyes, an exhausted expression, a weary soul. I also saw a big nose and forehead but that's besides the point! Christ thinks those are beautiful.

I continued to walk until I came to a place where I knew there would be a clearing in the trees. Instead of taking the path, God had me walk right through the bushes. "it's alright, it's my creation. You wont get poison ivy from this.". And so I followed His instructions, cringing with every three leafed, woody stem that brushed my jeans. ... An exercise of faith. I guess if I can test Him, He is welcome to test me! Of course it's not a test, it's a faith strengthening exercise...but not an exercise, an adventure with my lover...

As I got past the thicker bush, I was in the clearing. It was a beautiful little clearing with a couple of fire pits. I was going to sit on a fire pit, when I heard the voice of my saviour and lover once more saying "why sit on that cold stone? I made you a chair see!?" As I looked to my right, I saw a huge tree which had broken and fallen over just at a nice height to lift me off the ground but not be so tall that I would be frightened. It even broke in a way that would be conveniently easy for my stubby little legs to climb up. There were no bugs on the tree. As I was climbing up it, I could see the different layers of the tree. A sideways look at the hardened sap running just under the bark of the tree. I horizontal look at how the strong core of the tree remained intact while the outer rings had broken away. "see?" said Christ "isn't my creation magnificent?". Eventually I climbed to the part of the tree which was laying on the ground. As I walked across the trunk of the tree to the spot I wished to sit, I heard Christ saying "I've got you, just relax. I've made this the perfect height for you." Eventually I sat down and looked at the view. It was a beautiful picture of my God's creation. I took a snapshot with little effort, and it looks amazing. "see? My creation doesn't require photography skills"

Then Jesus let me know "I'm going to climb up this tree and sit behind you"...as a warning so I wouldn't be startled. We sat there a while and just looked at the things he had made. I admired a piece of bark, that was layered with crystallized sap as Jesus said "I wonder when you people will realize that this sparkling crystal is just as beautiful as diamonds". After a while, we both got off and continued to walk.

As I started to walk back towards the cabin, I saw more bull rushes, and felt God's push, saying "no, you'll need some more. Some longer ones." So I grabbed some, and began to walk away as I heard someone at the camp rummaging in the garbage. "no Krysta, turn around, you will need a few more". So I did. Again I turned to walk away in hopes that they would not see me bizzarly picking bull rushes. Then Jesus said "Krysta, are you ashamed? Just trust me.". And I picked a final few rushes.

As I neared the final bend of my walk back to the cabin, I heard Jesus say as I looked at a birch tree "you'll need a piece of birch bark too...". I responded "but I wont take it off the tree! The tree needs it!". We continued walking until just about at the cabin, when I looked down and saw a small piece of birch bark in the grass. I smiled as Jesus said "There. You happy?" with a smirk.

I brought these things back to the cabin. As I approached the bench with the previous bullrushes on it, I noticed they hadn't moved at all, despite the wind. Not a single one had fallen on the ground! "You see Krysta? You just need to trust me. Put the rest of the bull rushes in the house with the bark."

Then I got a little playful idea in my head "Alright Jesus, I'll put the rushes in the house. But can I leave the bark on the deck? In a windy spot?" I felt Jesus understood the playful challenge in my voice as He responded "Try me..." ... I got the same nervous feeling I had when I put the rushes on the bench, except this time, I wondered if Jesus would let me down, just to prove His divinity. As I set the light piece of bark down, it blew a little in the wind, before wedging in between the floor boards, where it couldn't be moved by the wind. Still though, I had faith as I walked away that it would remain there, and not fall under the deck.

I walked down to the lake agian. This time, because Christ wanted me to get a stone. Once I got down there, I noticed how high the water was, and how impossible it would be to have a good selection of stones. But then I heard Christ's voice once more. "see those waves? See that rock? Go stand on that rock..." ..."are you crazy Jesus!? My shoes will get soaked! Not a single wave has not COVERED that rock!"

"Just trust me"...

"..is this the same "trust me" curtis used when we were camping, and I jumped into the lake? Cause that wasn't funny..."

So I began to approach the rock with hesitancy. As I got nearer, I was extremely hesitant. I stood a rock behind the one Christ had pointed out, when a big wave splashed up onto my shoes. I backed away, just in time for some smaller waves which did not cover the intended rock... "crap!" I thought, "I missed the opportunity!" ...well maybe I could give it another go! So I waited and saw more big waves, but decided to step out in faith. Sure enough, the waves died down just as I stood on the rock, only to pick up again shortly after I left!

I was about to go back up to the cabin when I realized I hadn't grabbed a rock! So I asked God "hey! Wasn't I supposed to get a rock?" ..."oh ya! Um...that one!"... I sort of gave him a spiteful playful look... And felt him smile back at me.

As I approached the cabin, I saw that the bark was still firmly lodged where God had put it! So I gathered my things, and put them all in the cabin.

I wanna see the heartbeat of heaven! I wanna see the hear beat of God!

God you are so great!!!!!

Sometimes we forget the greatness of God. He is so great that He never loses patience. He is so great that He can use even the stupidest, slimeyest, most perverted of us!!

I've experienced an anointing of the holy spirit. I've experienced a prophetic calling and yet I feel as if I could just walk away if I so desired. This is the part of me that does not agree with Calvinism. Then again, I did nothing to deserve the great calling the LORD has placed upon me! I've been self-righteous and self-absorbed throughout the whole process, undeserving, unfaithful.... In no way, was my heart ready to receive Him, He took over me. This is the part of me that disagrees with Arminianism. Therefore, I boldly declare that God is beyond understanding and for God's sake, YOU'RE BOTH WRONG!!!!!!!  AND YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT!!  I rejoice to say that my God is so great, that I find joy in praising God, when I see the contrast of my freedom from your blindness! You don't deserve this freedom, but if you just ask Him, He'll give it to you!! ASK HIM!!!

If you are reading this, it's cause God brought you here! I haven't told anyone but my best friend and husband about this blog. God brought you here... Try this song on for size ...

(don't let the video distract you, just listen to what God is speaking to you)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbanJpatHWs

Not baptised, but anointed!

So incase you haven't noticed, I've been actively seeking a filling of the holy spirit. I've prayed for it, worked for it, started pursuing with little success. Tonight was the healing service at this prayer group i've been going to, and to be honest, most of it felt like a blur. At the beginning Kayla said she heard from God that I was going to be a warrior  between the healing service and God and evil. This threw me off a bit (not to mention the "by the way you're leading worship")

I have never been to healing service, let alone lead worship for one! So that was a bit rough to say the least, but HEY! God uses failures! And boy do I qualify for that role! Next to all of the world's rejects who were praising God, speaking in tongues and healing, i felt like the outcast in a corner. It was like a glimpse of heaven, and part of me was saying "well at least i've got something in THIS world"...wow... reality check.....

Then suddnely someone decided we should all stand up and put our hands on each other and start praying for each other. Thats when I felt Kayla's prophecy touch me again. I could feel the evil surrounding us looking for a weak link to break the chain we formed with our arms on each other. I spent most of the prayer time declairing Christ's power and victory. It was pretty neat.  Then the lady next to me asked me what she could pray for, and I told her about my journey to be filled. She began to pray and spoke into my life.

God started to speak to me through her. It was as if he was saying "Krysta, you ARE filled. I AM here. But because I love you, I'll just make that clear" I then felt someones hand on my head, as if a third person joined in praying for me and had placed their hands on my head. Then I felt the hand lift, and felt oil dripping down my head. When she had finished praying, I touched my head and it was dry. I asked her if someone had touched my head and she shrugged.

I could take that as I am a crazy person, but to be honest, I think Christ annointed me with his spirit! I have no idea what it means, but I am 100% confident that he has not only a plan for my life, but a divine calling to which I needed to know I was ordaned for! BRING IT ON! I'M READY!

crazy God!

So i've started going to this bible study on wednesday nights. It's the one where some of the people mentioned earlier were baptised by the spirit and stuff... well nothing crazy has happened in the two weeks i've been going, but God's been doing some crazy work in me!

It's the little things. My distractions seems so small compared to the loud voice calling inside of me from the Lord. I am re-learning how awesome his grace is. How much I dont deserve him. God's saying "get it through your head Krysta! I love you and I'm not leaving!"

I know he's got big plans for me and I am excited to be in His will, bearing his fruit.

Upside down

"We're livin' in a kingdom upside down. If you wanna go up, you have to go down..." These are the words to a children's song that I like...  I've always thought of this concept as refering to servant leadership...now I see it is so much more!

This is a journey that began several months ago, as my best friend was baptised by the holy spirit. She's never been the kind of person I'd expect to  go all charismatic! ...Then her non-believing rather dark friend came to know christ through her...  Then another unorthodox acquaintance of mine was filled and speaking in tongues...Then a good chunk of a friend's youth group was filled...

Funny how the bible college friends in my life are not included in this penticostal-like movement... It seems strange for God to pick the people whom the church doesn't seem to jive with... The people who dont get alot out of a sunday morning service... It seems strange that God picked the ones who weren't trying all that hard to make their way in the kingdom.  Two of these darker individuals recieved the laughter of the holy spirit! Isn't THAT upside down all on it's own!

More and more I am beginning to see how upside down God's kingdom truly is.

First Post

For some reason, I took the naming of this blog extremely seriousely... the funny part, is that the name came to me before I fully comprehended the term "estranged"...I sort of assumed it just meant strange, but it really doesn't.  I'll give ya some deffinitions.

Estranged: 1 : to remove from customary environment or associations
2 : to arouse especially mutual enmity or indifference in where there had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness
(A.K.A. Alienation)
Normality: The property of conforming to a norm...

So basically the story of my life! I am called to a life greater than this. This is not my home and in a way, I have always felt a bit estranged. The normality in my life can be seen in my journey to become a professional. I have now taken four years of schooling to learn how to conform to a norm in the helping profession...  Funny, how Christ's helpers were all somewhat estranged...