For some reason, I woke up this morning thinking about my family heritage. It started with little things like:
- my life seems far more practicle and less cluttered than I thought. What do I do with all my inherited mis-matched china bits? I can't throw them out, but I don't know when I'd use them...
And that got me thinking to how I aquired that china... after my grandma Dueck's death... I rmeember being in Junior High and our whole family (her five children and their families) all in her living room squabbling over who got what.... as i think back, she was flippin rich! Marble coffee table and end tables, enough china sets for each of her three grand daughters and three daughters to attain a complete set, plus split a few sets among themselves... sliver tea sets (multiple) and serving sets, and the list goes on and on...
I have one uncle in particular that made this event stressful and all about money... it bothered me then and it bother's me now, becuase he STILL doesn't talk to us because he think's someone is hiding a massive fortune somewhere. I don't know what his deal is. He got all the big expensive stuff anyway cause we were all frustrated with him...
But then I got to thinking. What does he know about my grandma? Not alot... I know how she bakes, how she gardens. I know why she had so many friends and who she helped selflessly. I know what made her laugh, relax and made her blood boil. I know where she used to paint a line of nail polish on all her tea cups. I know which were her favorites. I know what her different (very very loud) snores mean--how asleep she was etc...
and maybe thats what was so wierd for me at her funeral... (she wasn't snoring! haha)
But beyond that, I know what she did in the past... as far as I'm concerned she should be sainted, and yet I (as a social worker) am ashamed of some things she has done. She was a selfless helper, but she also helped with residential schools as a dorm parent. I know she was a good one, and her students loved her as I do. They even wrote her letters for many years after the school burned down.
My grandma was russian. She came to canada as a little girl. Her and my grandpa were married and poor and opened a little store and became affluent through hard work and giving spirits...
Which brings me to my DAD'S family... Also Russian, but 2'ed generation Canadians, and poor. In fact, my dad grew up in the north end (when it wasn't so bad as it is now of course). My grandpa was a trucker and a VERY hard worker. My grandma was a penny pincher and one of the most un-waivering Christians I know. (very Mennonite, but very firm in her beliefs). They also worked very hard, but never managed to make it up the social ladder. My inheritance from my grandma are pillow cases and napkins bleached and embroidered out of old flour sacks, and they are absolutely beautiful. My china from her is very worn (because she didn't have as much to use) and most likely bought at a second hand store. No full sets. She was also a selfless woman and a hard worker. I used to tag along with her to MCC quilting conventions, and play around in the store while she quilted for relief efforts.
I remember wanting a necklace one time that was 9 cents... I think I had 3 pennies in my pocket, so I went upstairs and asked my grandma for 9 cents for this necklace. she looked at me, and then in her purse. and with genuine pride, pulled out a dime and said "tell them they can keep the change!".. My eyes were wide with surprise (she was a serious penny pincher) and she (and the other ladies) laughed.
What's even more interesting is when my parents met and started dating... My grandmpa Dueck, instead of criticizing where my dad was coming from, and how he would provide for my mother, he did something unique. He didn't worry and judge my dad for being in a different social class... instead he took my dad on his shoulders and mentored him. My dad was going to be a trucker like my grandpa Klassen, but not if Grandpa dueck had anything to say about it. Now my Dad supervises
bio-safety at canada's largest virology lab here in Winnipeg, as some kind of mechanical engineer (i dont really understand it all... but I'm proud of him! :)
I think that's a unique story... especially now that we're pregnant with our first son! What if he brought home someone I'd consider a CFS client? Would I, instead of judging her, take her on my shoulders and mentor her to be the kind of wife I want for my son? Just an interesting thought. It's harder than it sounds in a nice little story.
Anyway... Maybe you didn't care to hear my family history, but to me it's important, and I needed to process it a bit. I definately miss my grandma Dueck, and I think that's what spurred all this on. I was the youngest grandchild (so the favorite obviously!) and she never saw me get married, never going to see our little boy... and its sad to me. But I can take something away from my time with her (and my other grandma too). Being selfless and doing for others will always pay off and be the best choice over "looking out for number one". "self-care" is no way to live. Selfless care is the way to live. See, they forgot a few letters in that concept. Self-LESS. this world needs LESS self care and more selfLESS care of others....
Interesting, that this is what I get out of all of this...
