I know the 5 of you who follow my blog already know what my passion is...First Nations social work. But let me expand on how God continues to nurture this passion...
Today I was riding the bus to the gym downtown, and ran into a family friend. He is an Ojibiway man from the Bear clan who has been through alot in his life, risen above it all through the power of christ, married a wonderful woman and has like...5 or 6 kids with her! Awesome right? He's not an elder or anything, but he's my elder...
Well, when I saw him on the bus, he'd lost about 50-75 lbs, was on crack or pot or something and had his arm slung around another woman. you wouldn't recognize him from a homeless aboriginal man. He said he's leaving his wife, and him and this other woman are getting married and already are working on a baby...
He has a big "colonialism" stamp on his forehead...with neon lights and everything. It hurt me so much to see him this way. Anyone who had met him would know his heart for God and his family. The way he would talk about his wife with such sincerity "I love her so much! She is the most beautiful woman in the world!" (after the 3'rd kid)... After a knee injury and A.D.H.D out of control and mis-diagnosed, he has turned back to his old ways. The problem is not Mark (that's a code name) and the problem is not Hildy (his wife's code name). The problem is history... He tried for years to get a job. But people take one look at a full blooded native man with a knee injury and say "take a hike"...then you add in the A.D.H.D and you come up with an impossible situation. The world rejects him, gives him no identity. The world doesn't see the strength this man had to rise from drug addiction, and drug addict parents. He rose from prison life, homelessness, gang involvement... he rose above it. he was working with his reserve to create a better place... He was on his way to becoming an elder for sure! He got married to a beautiful woman and had 5 or 6 kids (it's funny to see these little Metis children running around speaking Low German). He had a beautiful life built on his strength and the strength of God.
And the world just see's a native man with A.D.H.D and a knee injury.. and now a drug addition and an affair... People don't see a man when they look at him, they see a race. they see a steriotype... How can we expect these people to rise above their issues when Colonialism is so stinking alive?!?
I know if i was running an agency and a tall large aboriginal male with scars and long hair, and who smelled a bit came to my door and said "eh. Can i ged'a job?" my initial reaction would be "no" for sure! How is that not racist? how is that any different than colonialism? We treat any other race with dignity, worth and individuality, but somehow society just can't fathom that the intoxicated aboriginal person has a true worth and identity...that they have something to offer society...
I know this all sounds racist...but If I sometimes think like this and i've been trained and educated in the matter, I KNOW we've all thought it and think it periodically.
The fact is, colonialism isn't over. It is still alive and functioning at a high level in our society.... We see one aboriginal lawyer or doctor or politician and think "well no one else has any excuse then!!" well no, that one person has exceptional strength!! And we owe it to the dude you just walked past on the street corner, that we are even alive and living in Canada.
My youth who was suicidal last week went AWOL (Absent with out L___???) haha don't know all what it stands for... But I look at that... I see her mom, text-harassing her, telling her that she's betraying the family by not living with them (when CFS took her away)... I see just as much colonialism there. Sure, there was good reason to apprehend, but no one told her what was going on. No one told the mom what was happening... She knows the crap her mom does, but no one told her why she was taken away... Isn't that wrong? she's old enough to get it! a kid older than 11 has a brain developed enough to reason like an adult when needed. (that's a stat from a youth retreat sometime in my past)...
So many mixed emotions, especially around Mark and Hildy... It only makes my passion stronger to see this population rise above the crap they are in...the more crap i see the stronger First Nations people seem to me. They have endured so much, and are still so unified, still retaining language and culture, still peacefully living with us, learning from us, teaching us... wow... What a blessing I don't deserve, to be able to learn from these people...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
how much can I write in 5 minutes
Happy easter everyone! I'm sitting here with Nix in my hair yet again! ...This is round three with the pest-killing stuff. these lice must be the tolerant kind... its scary to think that Lice have built up an immunity to permethrin! That's scary stuff... Watch...it'll kill me before the lice...
Anyway, i've been sick AGAIN...so it's turning out to be a great year. Sick over christmas and Easter. Now I just have to wait for thanks giving and maybe it'll be a 3 for 3 kind of year... Ya, i'm pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired... But At least this time, I can go outside and enjoy some sunshine. I'm also pushing myself to keep working. Maybe i'll get better faster this way.
anyway, I really didn't have anything imortant to write. Just had to waste 5 minutes...so... Have a good one!
Anyway, i've been sick AGAIN...so it's turning out to be a great year. Sick over christmas and Easter. Now I just have to wait for thanks giving and maybe it'll be a 3 for 3 kind of year... Ya, i'm pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired... But At least this time, I can go outside and enjoy some sunshine. I'm also pushing myself to keep working. Maybe i'll get better faster this way.
anyway, I really didn't have anything imortant to write. Just had to waste 5 minutes...so... Have a good one!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
CRAFTING AND GETTING PAID!!
So I'd like to just say that i'm pretty sure i'm in the honeymoon phase of this job... cause it's like... Hey! I get to work out and get paid for it! (like...actually go to the Y for free without a membership and get paid 16.55 an hour to do so....) or Go to the Metis CFS office and make traditional crafts every thursday night, for 16.55/Hour! And I get to hang out with just ONE kid at a time, as opposed to camp, where you have 8... and you get 125 a week....woo...
And if one of my campers goes to camp, I might get to supervise her there! So she'll be making 125, and i'll be making 16.55 an hour lol... This whole working thing is pretty awesome.
It has it's ups and downs though...The other night, my 12 year old wanted to commit suicide...so that was pretty stressfull. and I know that once I am working alot with these girls, that the relationships will go deeper, and trials will come, or i'll get bored or who knows what...but for now, I'm in the honeymoon phase and loving it!
I've met 3/4 of my girls, and I"m starting to see that i'll basically have no social life anymore while I do this job...Which is fine, cause I only committed to a year of doing this. So at least there is an end in sight for when I get really sick of working evenings and never seeing my husband... Also summer time is going to be awesome because I can work days when my client's are out of school! :)
In other news, I am now kept awake by fears of head lice, scabies and bed bugs...yay inner city youth! But my supervisor had an awesome idea, to cover my passenger seat with a blanket and then wrap up the blanket when I am done with my client, so anything living, will suffocate overnight. I'm gonna have to try that.
Gotta say, already had lice! Guess that means I'm a good worker with my kids. We bought the multi-pack of nix cause I have a feeling it wont be the only time I get them bugs... I should probably get some raid for my clothes too... I'm deffinately gonna die of cancer haha!
It's a wierd place to be....working in one social class and living in another... don't kid yourself, their's classes...
--And Alyssa if you're feeding jadyn thinking "crap. she's coming to my place" don't worry, i already Nix'ed myself and lice check daily. no signs right now!
But see what I mean? even that worry that I carry about what people in MY social class with think about this little piece of lower class that sticks to me... it's just a bit crazy... anyway, I'm baking buns and this was my "pass the time" ...buns are done! And so is this entry!
And if one of my campers goes to camp, I might get to supervise her there! So she'll be making 125, and i'll be making 16.55 an hour lol... This whole working thing is pretty awesome.
It has it's ups and downs though...The other night, my 12 year old wanted to commit suicide...so that was pretty stressfull. and I know that once I am working alot with these girls, that the relationships will go deeper, and trials will come, or i'll get bored or who knows what...but for now, I'm in the honeymoon phase and loving it!
I've met 3/4 of my girls, and I"m starting to see that i'll basically have no social life anymore while I do this job...Which is fine, cause I only committed to a year of doing this. So at least there is an end in sight for when I get really sick of working evenings and never seeing my husband... Also summer time is going to be awesome because I can work days when my client's are out of school! :)
In other news, I am now kept awake by fears of head lice, scabies and bed bugs...yay inner city youth! But my supervisor had an awesome idea, to cover my passenger seat with a blanket and then wrap up the blanket when I am done with my client, so anything living, will suffocate overnight. I'm gonna have to try that.
Gotta say, already had lice! Guess that means I'm a good worker with my kids. We bought the multi-pack of nix cause I have a feeling it wont be the only time I get them bugs... I should probably get some raid for my clothes too... I'm deffinately gonna die of cancer haha!
It's a wierd place to be....working in one social class and living in another... don't kid yourself, their's classes...
- There's lowest class (homeless fried on hairspray class)
- There's low class (they speak differently "eh! You don godda go'n'do dat duya?!" (or the "native" accent)
- There's middle class (all us poor newly weds, who actually have a home, and the families who live on low income but can afford the neccessities of life
- There's upper middle class (people who have made a living for a while, and live a modest but extremely comfortable life style
- and there's upper class (just drive down pritchard farm road or another fancy development and you'll know what I mean) They have other language too, like all their edu-ma-kated jargon and political talk.
--And Alyssa if you're feeding jadyn thinking "crap. she's coming to my place" don't worry, i already Nix'ed myself and lice check daily. no signs right now!
But see what I mean? even that worry that I carry about what people in MY social class with think about this little piece of lower class that sticks to me... it's just a bit crazy... anyway, I'm baking buns and this was my "pass the time" ...buns are done! And so is this entry!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Native Pride
It was interesting listening to some of my Girl's favorite songs. She likes one on Youtube called "What's really Rez" and Rez stands for the Reserves. It's funny because it's like the Native version of how Mennonites make fun of themselves. It's not funny if I were to make the jokes about Native people or for them to make jokes about White people...But as a menno, I can understand why a Native person would find a song like that really funny. Some of the stuff, I got just from being up there, like "when you make a sandwich outta moose meat" or "
when you give directions with your lips"
I've been having a wierd day... Watching how my beautiful young ladies are affected by there history, and how Native people have been oppressed...working first hand with youth who adore their parents but hate them at the same time... seeing siblings who band together, brothers who look after sisters, and sisters who look after brothers... We are all going to be surprised by the success of the next generation I think...
I just spent some time watching the opening ceremonies from the olypics again...gets me every time! I can't help but cry when I watch how canada got the First Nations to welcome people to the olympics...
And yet it's a bitter sweet...Because as I watch a Pow wow, I am slightly uncomfortable, but overwhelmingly over-joyed at the same time... it's as if I want these people to have their land back... but at the same time, I feel so inferior! I know people say "Native people are strong"...but dang it they are frigging strong!!
My 12 year old, who has been through hell and back, chooses to have her own identity. She helps the homeless, and tries to get hi-fives in the mall because she has a need for acceptance. but you know what? With all of her friend's committing suicide and going to a school where the "lock ups" go, she keeps her own! She doesn't let herself get knocked around.
My 17 year old who is more street wise than I will ever be, has been called a "fucking squaw" by a police officer. She's been in and out of lock up, on perole...but she WILL NOT let a boy touch her! She has so much pride in who she is. She knows that "they're all the same" is a lie...and didn't believe it when the cop told it to her. In fact, she knows her totem, her colors and is a shawl dancer. She knows who she is, and has her identity. Despite everything she's been through, she has such a balanced outlook on life...towards cops, towards her abusive father, towards me, and cfs... towards her foster parents, her teachers.... She is still a teenager, but with such incredible wisdom for someone who has lived on the streets and so much more... I'd love to brag about her more, but you know the whole confidentiality thing...
Strength doesn't even begin to describe these people... what did the menno's do? they decided not to fight and are still stingy people that can't seem to get out of a rut....what about the irish? they're still ANGRY! and the Germans? well! They think the word "hitler" is a swear word... and how many centuries have we all had to get over our issues... here we are, getting all on the native people's case about saping the system...when our ancestors tried to commit cultural gennocide! Wow! Here they are! Remembering their language! Living at peace with us! Dancing! Singing! Remembering! Here they are, getting over their JUSTIFIABLE grudges, and making peace with the rest of society! So who are we to judge them?
When a man who has been in every steriotype imaginable rises to have a family, and make a difference in his reservation, that's a success. When he relapses and starts drinking again...goodness me! Give the man a break! We right away judge...or write him off...but he is not a write off. he successfully went 7 years without a mess up! That's still a success!
Our vision is disturbing... I sometimes wonder why the native people didn't kill off the settlers...we are forever greatful to them. None of us would be in canada if they were half the stupid people we are.....
when you give directions with your lips"
I've been having a wierd day... Watching how my beautiful young ladies are affected by there history, and how Native people have been oppressed...working first hand with youth who adore their parents but hate them at the same time... seeing siblings who band together, brothers who look after sisters, and sisters who look after brothers... We are all going to be surprised by the success of the next generation I think...
I just spent some time watching the opening ceremonies from the olypics again...gets me every time! I can't help but cry when I watch how canada got the First Nations to welcome people to the olympics...
And yet it's a bitter sweet...Because as I watch a Pow wow, I am slightly uncomfortable, but overwhelmingly over-joyed at the same time... it's as if I want these people to have their land back... but at the same time, I feel so inferior! I know people say "Native people are strong"...but dang it they are frigging strong!!
My 12 year old, who has been through hell and back, chooses to have her own identity. She helps the homeless, and tries to get hi-fives in the mall because she has a need for acceptance. but you know what? With all of her friend's committing suicide and going to a school where the "lock ups" go, she keeps her own! She doesn't let herself get knocked around.
My 17 year old who is more street wise than I will ever be, has been called a "fucking squaw" by a police officer. She's been in and out of lock up, on perole...but she WILL NOT let a boy touch her! She has so much pride in who she is. She knows that "they're all the same" is a lie...and didn't believe it when the cop told it to her. In fact, she knows her totem, her colors and is a shawl dancer. She knows who she is, and has her identity. Despite everything she's been through, she has such a balanced outlook on life...towards cops, towards her abusive father, towards me, and cfs... towards her foster parents, her teachers.... She is still a teenager, but with such incredible wisdom for someone who has lived on the streets and so much more... I'd love to brag about her more, but you know the whole confidentiality thing...
Strength doesn't even begin to describe these people... what did the menno's do? they decided not to fight and are still stingy people that can't seem to get out of a rut....what about the irish? they're still ANGRY! and the Germans? well! They think the word "hitler" is a swear word... and how many centuries have we all had to get over our issues... here we are, getting all on the native people's case about saping the system...when our ancestors tried to commit cultural gennocide! Wow! Here they are! Remembering their language! Living at peace with us! Dancing! Singing! Remembering! Here they are, getting over their JUSTIFIABLE grudges, and making peace with the rest of society! So who are we to judge them?
When a man who has been in every steriotype imaginable rises to have a family, and make a difference in his reservation, that's a success. When he relapses and starts drinking again...goodness me! Give the man a break! We right away judge...or write him off...but he is not a write off. he successfully went 7 years without a mess up! That's still a success!
Our vision is disturbing... I sometimes wonder why the native people didn't kill off the settlers...we are forever greatful to them. None of us would be in canada if they were half the stupid people we are.....
Friday, April 15, 2011
no time to blog!
Sheesh! This working thing is really cramping my style! Haha! What do you mean I don't have time to be lazy AND to blog? Man....Life is just tough I guess ;)
I actually haven't been working all that much. Just 16 hours last week, probably less this week. Last week I had a bunch of training and this week the social workers seem to be taking their sweet time introducing me to their kids. Oh well! I know two out of the four, so that's half way there! I know I will meet another one for sure next week, and hopefully meet the other social worker too...She stood me up this week. I showed up and found out she wasn't working... it's bittersweet, cause if that happens, I still get paid for the length of the meeting! So I billed them for 1 1/2 hours for nothing! Kinda nice!
Tonight I'm going out with a youth to the mall to do a crazy random photo shoot (and see if we get kicked out of any stores), And tomorrow I'm decorating Easter eggs and baking cookies! I know I know, you're all thinking "gee, she's got it rough"! What can I say? I'm a working woman now!
Tonight we meet with the nice house lady to see if she'll take 40,000 dollars less than her asking price for the house haha! So feel free to keep that in your prayers!
I actually haven't been working all that much. Just 16 hours last week, probably less this week. Last week I had a bunch of training and this week the social workers seem to be taking their sweet time introducing me to their kids. Oh well! I know two out of the four, so that's half way there! I know I will meet another one for sure next week, and hopefully meet the other social worker too...She stood me up this week. I showed up and found out she wasn't working... it's bittersweet, cause if that happens, I still get paid for the length of the meeting! So I billed them for 1 1/2 hours for nothing! Kinda nice!
Tonight I'm going out with a youth to the mall to do a crazy random photo shoot (and see if we get kicked out of any stores), And tomorrow I'm decorating Easter eggs and baking cookies! I know I know, you're all thinking "gee, she's got it rough"! What can I say? I'm a working woman now!
Tonight we meet with the nice house lady to see if she'll take 40,000 dollars less than her asking price for the house haha! So feel free to keep that in your prayers!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
First Week working with CFS
When you hear the word CFS, what's the first word that pops into your head? I'd be willing to bet that it wasn't "passionate" or "family" or "dedicated" ... But Metis CFS I am learning is very different than other CFS agencies...You can call me baised, and I'm sure that part of it is a bias! If I worked with Winnipeg CFS I'd be sure to say "they're not as bad as everyone thinks"...but as it stands, here I am at Metis, and So i am telling you that some of the words I think of with Metis CFS is passionate, dedicated, a family, a strong culture, an excellent people group who is succeeding!
I think anyone racist against Native people needs to spend at least 2 or 3 days at Metis CFS and those steriotypes will be broken. You want to see a Metis man doing "real" work? come meet my boss who has risen from EVERY steriotype you can think of, is attaining his Social Work and is In a WELL respected position within a government agency. Wow! He is incredible, and EVERYON respects him!
I guess it's been a bit of a journey for me this week, coming to terms with the fact that this was my second choice job, trying to decide how much culture I would like to delve into and decide whether I want to commit to these youth or not... Well i've decided to commit to all of the above and This is DEFINATELY the better job choice! God knew what He was doing! Vern (my boss) Was giving me the tour when we walked into the Culture room at the main office. It's a circular room that looks like you just walked into Pow Wow Central. It's about as close to a "chaple" as it gets for Metis. Well he said some wise words to me when he explained this.
He said (not word for word) "You are walking into OUR culture. With that comes certain cultural expectations (eg, only walk clock wise around the room, smudging etc...). Just like you wouldn't want me walking into your mennonite community and saying "fuck this! I don' do dis shit!" I don't want you walking into this room and saying " oh NO! I don't do that smudging stuff! I'm too good for that!""
Honestly, wow! Wise words indeed! I'd never thought of it that way. Anyone who'se been to a youth group can attest to the cultural expectations that christianity puts on people...Why should we expect to NOT play our own games? When in rome, do as the Romans...When In Metis CFS, do as the Metis do...Why should this be a compromization of my faith? Sure there is confusion in the spirituality. Sure there are demons involved...but I know I have prayers support (lol especially when my mom finds out i'm open to a smudge) but really? These people are from Shem, I'm from Ham and the jews are from Japheth (don't quote me on that, but you get the idea)... Really? you CAN'T tell me we aren't all serving the same creator.. "the creator" is THE creator! They may not have the Jesus part, but the God part, they've got....
Anyway, lots of thoughts to consider right now, but there's a bite for y'alls!
I met my first client today and I can see that I will have to keep my boundaries in check, or i'll just go crazy caring for these girls and getting attached to them! "high needs"...what a joke! I'm sure you've heard that Native people are a product of their history...you don't know it's true until you look someone in the face and hear their story.
One of my clients (on top of historical issues, and abusive family life and street living etc...) has had a police officer has called her a "fucking squaw" and "you're all the same" while incarcerating her...and that's the least of her concerns, let alone that this ISN'T recorded anywhere in her file because it's a police officer's word over hers... It breaks my heart what the system can get away with, and how it hurts these kids...someone needs to be held accountable for this...
Well anyway, that's my rant for now!
I think anyone racist against Native people needs to spend at least 2 or 3 days at Metis CFS and those steriotypes will be broken. You want to see a Metis man doing "real" work? come meet my boss who has risen from EVERY steriotype you can think of, is attaining his Social Work and is In a WELL respected position within a government agency. Wow! He is incredible, and EVERYON respects him!
I guess it's been a bit of a journey for me this week, coming to terms with the fact that this was my second choice job, trying to decide how much culture I would like to delve into and decide whether I want to commit to these youth or not... Well i've decided to commit to all of the above and This is DEFINATELY the better job choice! God knew what He was doing! Vern (my boss) Was giving me the tour when we walked into the Culture room at the main office. It's a circular room that looks like you just walked into Pow Wow Central. It's about as close to a "chaple" as it gets for Metis. Well he said some wise words to me when he explained this.
He said (not word for word) "You are walking into OUR culture. With that comes certain cultural expectations (eg, only walk clock wise around the room, smudging etc...). Just like you wouldn't want me walking into your mennonite community and saying "fuck this! I don' do dis shit!" I don't want you walking into this room and saying " oh NO! I don't do that smudging stuff! I'm too good for that!""
Honestly, wow! Wise words indeed! I'd never thought of it that way. Anyone who'se been to a youth group can attest to the cultural expectations that christianity puts on people...Why should we expect to NOT play our own games? When in rome, do as the Romans...When In Metis CFS, do as the Metis do...Why should this be a compromization of my faith? Sure there is confusion in the spirituality. Sure there are demons involved...but I know I have prayers support (lol especially when my mom finds out i'm open to a smudge) but really? These people are from Shem, I'm from Ham and the jews are from Japheth (don't quote me on that, but you get the idea)... Really? you CAN'T tell me we aren't all serving the same creator.. "the creator" is THE creator! They may not have the Jesus part, but the God part, they've got....
Anyway, lots of thoughts to consider right now, but there's a bite for y'alls!
I met my first client today and I can see that I will have to keep my boundaries in check, or i'll just go crazy caring for these girls and getting attached to them! "high needs"...what a joke! I'm sure you've heard that Native people are a product of their history...you don't know it's true until you look someone in the face and hear their story.
One of my clients (on top of historical issues, and abusive family life and street living etc...) has had a police officer has called her a "fucking squaw" and "you're all the same" while incarcerating her...and that's the least of her concerns, let alone that this ISN'T recorded anywhere in her file because it's a police officer's word over hers... It breaks my heart what the system can get away with, and how it hurts these kids...someone needs to be held accountable for this...
Well anyway, that's my rant for now!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
busy busy!
So we saw a house today that we might buy... no idea yet though. it's QUITE a fixer-upper, but definately do-able. The problem is that the people selling it have sentimental attachment and feel like it's worth about 30-40000 dollars more than it truly is valued at...We had my cousin come in and give us some numbers (he's a real-estate agent) so we know more what we're doing. So now our heads are full of numbers and renno's and costs-bennefits analysis and I can't sleep lol.
In other news, I start my job tomorrow! (monday)! woot! It's just orientation (meaning me and the boss-man talking), so it'll be low-key and more learning than performance. Should be good. I will have a chance to get into the game of things. And I'm assuming I get paid for this orientation business, so that will feel good! I'm feeling better about all this job stuff. I still don't understand why I would be under the impression that God wanted to give me the other job...unless He just knows what I want better than I do...That could very well be I guess. I think it's funny that I'm at peace dispite this supposed "un answered, answered prayer" for a Job. I'll take it. Everyone who'se worked with Metis cfs says they're amazing and they do great training, so I can't go wrong. And it's a job, so i'll take it!
Anyway, God is good...
In other news, I start my job tomorrow! (monday)! woot! It's just orientation (meaning me and the boss-man talking), so it'll be low-key and more learning than performance. Should be good. I will have a chance to get into the game of things. And I'm assuming I get paid for this orientation business, so that will feel good! I'm feeling better about all this job stuff. I still don't understand why I would be under the impression that God wanted to give me the other job...unless He just knows what I want better than I do...That could very well be I guess. I think it's funny that I'm at peace dispite this supposed "un answered, answered prayer" for a Job. I'll take it. Everyone who'se worked with Metis cfs says they're amazing and they do great training, so I can't go wrong. And it's a job, so i'll take it!
Anyway, God is good...
Friday, April 1, 2011
filth
FILTH! EVERYWHERE! WHAT THE HELL ARE CHRISTIANS DOING, COVERED IN SATAN'S FECES!? GOD! your lense is almost overwhelming! WHat the HELL is hell doing in yourchurch!? why in heaven are your cherished closest children the ones whomay still have addictions, be gay, be prostituting or recieving services from one? Why is the real church in a house on mountain and salter avenue, and why does the big filthy poo-covered church suffer so much?
I hate all your show... I hate all your show...I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!! HATE HATE YOUR SHOW... IT IS FILTH! IT IS POOP! IT IS VOMIT! IT IS A LARGE BELCH AND A NAUSEATING FART! ALL OF THAT POURED ONTO YOUR SHOW! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! I HATE IT!!! IT'S DISGUSTING! STOP! STOP SHOWING ME THIS! START BEING WHO YOU ARE, AND STOP SHOWING UP AND SHOWING OFF!! I HATE ALL YOUR SHOW
I HATE IT!! Satan get OUT of my church! Get OUT!! GET OUT GET OUT!!! I want to crush you!! come here you snake, and slither on your belly! i'll put on my sharpest heels and crush your head! I hope it hurts, I hope you reel in pain because you had your chance and you hurt my God! Now he will give me the strenght to overcome my gender's fear and failure from you! You will DIE satan! AND When you do! Christ will be holding me and I will be looking you in the eyes! I want to watch you as you fail and can never touch another child of God. you are a beast. you are a toxic disgust! You are child-rape! You are dieriah, and Gas and guns! You are mud, and you are pain! You are embarassing nudety! You are colon cancer! You are masturbation! You are FILTH!!! YOU ARE INCEST! YOU ARE MURDER!!! YOU ARE WEIGHT ISSUES AND STARVATION! YOU ARE SELFISHNESS!! Don't you ever think for one second that God's creation is ANY of those things... THOSE THINGS ARE ALL YOU SATAN! and YOU will reap your reward!!! YOU ARE THE CRUSADES AND PAIN AND TORCHURE!! YOU will pay 70X7 for EVERY BIT OF PAIN you have caused to creation! Your hatred for God's children...God hates you more... and for every creation of His you have sent to Hell, you will suffer 7 eterneties in Hell, and you will feel every second of it! Because YOU killed my God, you killed my christ! I am Holy and you are not! I HATE YOU SATAN!! I HATE YOU more than you hate me! So watch out! Don't even try to strike fear into me, because I KNOW you are trembling right now!! IN THE NAME OF CHRIST JESUS you are FILTH! I will defeat you! Yes! THis is a challenge! My christ is with me, and the guilt you try to throw at me will do nothing.. SO help me i will cut your throat with the sword myself!! Get on your knees Satan! YOur time is coming!!!
I hate all your show... I hate all your show...I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!! HATE HATE YOUR SHOW... IT IS FILTH! IT IS POOP! IT IS VOMIT! IT IS A LARGE BELCH AND A NAUSEATING FART! ALL OF THAT POURED ONTO YOUR SHOW! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! I HATE IT!!! IT'S DISGUSTING! STOP! STOP SHOWING ME THIS! START BEING WHO YOU ARE, AND STOP SHOWING UP AND SHOWING OFF!! I HATE ALL YOUR SHOW
I HATE IT!! Satan get OUT of my church! Get OUT!! GET OUT GET OUT!!! I want to crush you!! come here you snake, and slither on your belly! i'll put on my sharpest heels and crush your head! I hope it hurts, I hope you reel in pain because you had your chance and you hurt my God! Now he will give me the strenght to overcome my gender's fear and failure from you! You will DIE satan! AND When you do! Christ will be holding me and I will be looking you in the eyes! I want to watch you as you fail and can never touch another child of God. you are a beast. you are a toxic disgust! You are child-rape! You are dieriah, and Gas and guns! You are mud, and you are pain! You are embarassing nudety! You are colon cancer! You are masturbation! You are FILTH!!! YOU ARE INCEST! YOU ARE MURDER!!! YOU ARE WEIGHT ISSUES AND STARVATION! YOU ARE SELFISHNESS!! Don't you ever think for one second that God's creation is ANY of those things... THOSE THINGS ARE ALL YOU SATAN! and YOU will reap your reward!!! YOU ARE THE CRUSADES AND PAIN AND TORCHURE!! YOU will pay 70X7 for EVERY BIT OF PAIN you have caused to creation! Your hatred for God's children...God hates you more... and for every creation of His you have sent to Hell, you will suffer 7 eterneties in Hell, and you will feel every second of it! Because YOU killed my God, you killed my christ! I am Holy and you are not! I HATE YOU SATAN!! I HATE YOU more than you hate me! So watch out! Don't even try to strike fear into me, because I KNOW you are trembling right now!! IN THE NAME OF CHRIST JESUS you are FILTH! I will defeat you! Yes! THis is a challenge! My christ is with me, and the guilt you try to throw at me will do nothing.. SO help me i will cut your throat with the sword myself!! Get on your knees Satan! YOur time is coming!!!
Sigh! No RWB Job...
Yeesh! After the last post I look like a fool for not getting the job...I honestly will not dis-credit my last post, because right after I wrote that, I went on facebook and God said "tell Nikki I love her"...so I did...and promptly went off facebook. She then Texted me inquiring "why did you say that? what prompted that!?" and I told her "God told me to say it!" and She then opened up about her huge dilemma with "what does God's love mean?" Going on a missions trip and staring suffering in the face, the question "why does God allow suffering" was far from Cliche for her...Wow! God tells me to send a "Hey! God loves ya!" to someone and this is what happens! God ALWAYS confirms His words to me... and He confirmed everything with that interaction...so I have a hard time dis-crediting my last post or calling myself a fool. How can we ever have faith if we never step out and take a risk?
I still believe my God! I still believe he will do the impossible in me! Here are some impossible things He is doing in my Metis CFS Job I have:
I still believe my God! I still believe he will do the impossible in me! Here are some impossible things He is doing in my Metis CFS Job I have:
- I am working with youth, which I have always been afraid of doing!
- I am working with First Nations people which is my gut passion, and I am un-qualified to do so!
- I have a former drug-addict/dealer/pimp/rapist/alchoholic for a boss :) And I love it!!
- I am working with students of another religion (which only God can conquer)
- I grew up in a conservative church and now I get to be God's grace in the lives of the people the church has been judging and murdering for decades.
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