The Scoop

Well clearly it's been a while since I have written in here! Life has been more hectic than before, and more hectic than I hope I ever have to deal with again in my life... Not that it wasn't worth it of course! Our son Josiah Steven Harder was born at 7:45 PM on January 21 2013.

On the 19'th (Saturday) I was forced to go in for induction, as my 24 hr urine came back with over 4X the amount of protein it had the week previous (went from 0.4 grams to 2.4 grams). This is a very big deal and meant that my kidneys were working very hard, and as a result, were letting important nutrients pass through my body instead of hanging on to them. This is very dangerous for me and my organs, and meant that Josiah had to come out as soon as possible.

So Saturday the 19'th we went into triage at St. B for induction. I had three Cervidels (a little disc they put by the cervix to help it start dilating during inductions). one cirvedel lasts 12 hrs, and they usually only give one, maybe two. My cirvix was very much not ready to have a baby, so they ended up doing three. A day and a half later, (21'st) they decided to try something called "the balloon"...

Now... Let me advise anyone who is pregnant or yet to have children... NEVER EVER get "the balloon!" Don't listen to them when they say it's not painful. It's a friggin' nightmare! In two hr's I went from Closed, posterior cirvix to 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced... (for anyone who has HAD a baby, you know that that is way too fast for that much progress... and believe me, I felt it!). I was dizzy and nauseated and very out of sorts (on top of the contraction pains). As soon as they took out the balloon, I was perfectly fine.

There was some bad stuff that started happening during "The Balloon". Every time I had a contraction, Josiah's heart rate would drop to almost unsafe levels. This is why they only left it in for two hrs. Usually they leave it for 10-12 hrs. When they took it out, Josiah's heart rate went back to a very healthy pattern.

They decided to start me on the Sinto (the drip... forced contraction juice). I got to about level 12, and was managing just fine, barely feeling the contractions at all. However, every time I had a contraction, Josiah's heart rate would dip again. Not as dangerously low, as the contractions were less severe. However, we made the ultimate decision to have a C-section, since it looked like it would ultimately lead there anyway. The Doctor said we could've kept trying and possibly had a normal delivery, however we were running the risk of having an emergency c-section and risking Josiah's health at the same time. It was a bit of a "no brainer" when we put all the pieces together.

So in I went, and out came Josiah! (having a spinal, is one of the weirdest things ever...not feeling anything but pressure is very odd!).

And that was the end of the beginning... The blessings and nightmares were about to start now...

Josiah came out at 5 lbs 2 oz, which is big enough not to need NICU. Initially they weren't going to send him. However, while they were stitching me up, one of the nurses noted he was grunting quite a lot. He ended up going to NICU for assistance with breathing and blood sugar levels. He had to be on a little forced air machine for the first 24 hrs or so, before he started being able to take in enough oxygen on his own (the timeline is a little hazey, as all the days run together a bit). Poor little guy was hooked up to so many wires and monitors and machines. A little IV in his tiny hand...

During his time in NICU, I was desperately trying to pump and express milk so he wouldn't end up on the "Evil nasty formula". In the end, my milk wasn't coming in as fast as he needed the calories, so we decided to give him formula. This was probably the best decision we could have made for him. Being that he was 36 weeks, but assessed as more of a 34 week developmental level (due to the placenta being too small), he required extra calories than the average newborn to get his strength up.

By the end of day two, close to midnight, they brought Josiah to our room! We had very little notice and very little sleep, so that was a sleepless night for us (but a happy one of course.

In the morning, we were preparing to go, since the Doctors told us we would likely be discharged. I was having some issues breathing (shortness of breath and a bit of chest pain with inhalation and exhalation), since the doctors cut all my Blood pressure medications off. The resident assessed me and basically did nothing, and told me to take my asthma puffers more. (my concern was that my blood pressures were still high, and I had a scare of fluid in my lungs earlier in the pregnancy due to high blood pressure).

Right before they released us, the pediatrician decided to do one final Bilirubin test (a test for Jaundice). The test came back and Josiah's jaundice was at a dangerously high level. He should've been re-admitted to NICU it was so high, however their NICU was full, and so they brought the blue light treatment equipment into our room. This was devastating to us for several reasons.
1) we thought we were going home, and now we weren't
2) we are first time parents, and were worried out of our minds.
3) Jaundice is related to how well some of his vital organs are booting up, so the fear of something fatal loomed in our minds
4) he wasn't eating as well, and we were worrying he was getting worse.
5) we were running on 48 hrs no sleep, starting day 3 of no sleep (and I mean none at all)

Curtis and I have never been so worried and upset. Curtis lost his appetite (believe it or not), I couldn't stop crying at all (stupid hormones), and my lungs kept getting worse. I was now wheezy and every inhalation was painful. But the doctor chose to discharge me anyway, with a blood pressure of 168/103... Interestingly, they never recorded my final blood pressure (says my public health nurse).  Once discharged, there was nothing the medical staff could do for me. They were only caring for Josiah, and we were there solely as his parents.

Josiah was tested probably 8-9 times for Bilirubin counts. They poked his little foot so many times. I had to leave the room, because I would get so worked up when he started crying. (In the NICU, his oxygen levels would go down below 85% when he was crying, so I was always worried when he got upset). His little feet look like a porcupine got at them now.

At first, his Bilirubin went up by a couple numbers, but then slowly started to drop, and eventually plateaued at a safe level. Josiah was on the blue light therapy for about 24 hrs. They took him off of it the next morning, while I was in emerg... OH YES! THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE!!

So we are running now on... what is it 3 days no sleep at all? perfect. My lungs were still getting worse, and I ended up going to Obstetrical triage to try and get re-admitted. They wouldn't take me, and sent me to emergency instead. (The nurses on our ward actually filed a formal complaint against Obs. Triage for this as this was definitely a post-postpartum issue, and Emergency is full of dangerous viruses that I shouldn't be exposed to right now).

Anyway, I spent 9-4 in Emergency with no food, water, sleep or baby. Curtis texted me around 10:30 to let me know that Josiah had been taken off the blue light machine. By now my milk had come in and I had missed two feedings. So Josiah was getting formula when he could;ve been getting breast milk...

I ended up having a really bad anxiety attack. My blood pressure sky-rocketed to 203/116. They changed up my asthma puffers, and whacked me full of blood pressure medications (more meds than I was on in pregnancy). They wouldn't let me leave Emergency till my blood pressure dropped, but quite honestly, I knew my pressure wouldn't drop until I saw my baby, and could pump and do some skin-to-skin. This was one of the worst moments in my life. In this moment, I felt like Job. I genuinely wanted to curse God and see if it would make things any better. The previous day with the Jaundice situation had already taken EVERYTHING I had. I was running on less than Zero. I had No stamina, no faith left, no energy, no tact... nothing... There were moments I wanted to end it all. I actually wanted to just kill myself because I was such a wreck from lack of sleep, hormones and the whole situation.

Anyway, we had one of the best health care aids at the time and she brought down a breast pump and Josiah. Curtis came down too (he was upstairs caring for Josiah this whole time), and we made a little bit of "feng shue" so I could calm down enough to go back up to the ward.

Up we went...
I ended up having to be on Lorazepam in order to get sleep. Two nights and one afternoon dose later, many blood pressure medications later and more poking of Josiah's little foot, and we were eventually able to come home Monday January 28'th at around 8 PM.

 Sleepless and exhausted, I was very nervous to take our little guy home... Nervous that we won't parent right, nervous that I will miss something. Nervous cause he is so fragile and barely eats his requirements... so many unknowns, so many worries, but I guess that's what parenting is...

We have been home two days now, and honestly, the whole newborn sleeping pattern is a breeze compared to what we went through. I am getting more sleep now than I have in the past 2 1/2 weeks. It's funny when people try and pretend they understand what we went through... as if it is just a typical new parent experience. "oh just wait" they say.... hah... Some people.. .I'm still a little bit off of course, but some people I just want to smack up-side the head... they have no idea...

Then there are others of you who bring me to tears, with all of your prayer support and encouraging e-mails and messages and texts. I haven't replied to many of them, but know that they all touched us, and were well received. We cannot thank you all enough for your prayers and supports through this difficult Journey.

It's not over of course. Josiah is still very fragile, and we have to be extremely cautious about who see's him. Anyone who has been sick or has ill family members cannot see him, and has to wait a week after recovery, in order to ensure Josiah isn't exposed to more than he needs to be. Curtis and I have to get some vaccines in order that we don't bring certain bugs into the home as well.

So please be patient, as we both want to just show off our little man to the world, but need to do so very slowly and cautiously. So far, only our parents have met him. We have to introduce him to his aunts and uncles yet, and then we would love to have people over.

We are open to supports from people, including prayer, meals, laundry, diapers etc...  My c-section has been the least of our concerns, but still has a recovery period. I can't do stairs, and I still have to take it easy till my blood pressure goes back to normal.

Anyway, this has been quite long enough! Hope this helps keep you all updated!