renewed faith

Mike and Jesse, God wants you to know that He is yearning after your hearts, as a proud father yearns to praise his son, and spend time with him. God  loves you both, and he is proud to see you both serving Him in the ways you are.

Mike, God also see's how you serve Him in the ways no one else see's...

Kayla, God is with you and guiding you. Don't forget that.

Mike B... God says stop running from my grace for you. God appreciates your seeking heart and he knows your heart. He sees your devotion because he put that within you. But God doesn't want you to be afraid to have faith... or to accept His grace for you.

Alyssa, God says "I love you and you are in my will. I am proud of you. You don't have to try to please me, you are blessing me every day, every hour. You serve my precious children Michael and Jayden!"


and to everyone else, God loves you...take time to hear his voice, because He's got a message for you too. You don't need to be an expert or a "good" christian...you don't need profound devotion to hear His voice...I'm no one special (and I don't mean that in the "cauky christian spiritual speaker" way, I mean that in the " I haven't read my bible for several weeks and i've been ignoring God, yet he still loves me" way).

So obviousely that's a really wierd way to start off a blog post. I got my tongues back :) woot!! 
Here's the story:

I plunked myself down on the toilet seat (best place to pray, hands down!) and started to be blunt with God... Like... "God I just have no theology except, forgive me and make me new RIGHT NOW...please..." and "I am confused by your voice and Dont know what to listen to...but i want to follow you... but I hate ALL the voices I am hearing lately... cause they conflict yet sound like you!! I don't want to take any of them seriousely!"

So anyway, i pray and pray in my blunt offensive yet simple and child-like way about the two jobs I am wrestling between... Does God want me to give one up in faith of the other? as a test of my faith? do I take the successful Job and take it as God's provision? or the one with the lesser wage, and take it as my service to God and trust that he will provide for my husband and I? SO CONFUSED!!! So frustrated! So unsure what to do!!!

Then I get the sense that I should go read his word...so I pick up some verses that I printed out a while ago (intending to post them in our appartment...but I haven't gotten around to it yet...) and it reads " Then Jesus Said to his disciples "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your won soul? is anything worth more than your soul?"... Oh great! That sure helps our situation... next verse reads as follows

"Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the lord...etc..You turn things upside down as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to Him who ofrmed it "he did no make me'? can the pot say to the potter "he knows notheing"?" --Isaiah 29:15-16

--_Gee god...Am I hiding from you? am i doubting you? oh the conviction, yet amidst complete confusion!!

But after another verse I finaly read In Micah "he has showed you o man what is good. And What does the lord require of you? To act Justly, To love Mercy and to walk Humbly with your God..." Micah 6:8

Then Something clicked... I took that verse, plus what my counselor said "God created us, and so sometimes we are following God, by following our hearts"...sounded new-agey to me at the time, but now it seems that God was speaking in a small way...
God was saying "I want you to choose which one you truly want!" and then I sat, slightly relieved but then...really NOT relieved when I realized, I had NO idea which job I truly wanted!! Wow!

So I sat down and wrote "CFS" on one column and "RWB" on the other...I started making a list of pro's and con's ...each pro was worth a point and i scored them up! The score was CFS 7 RWB 9... Shows you how close it was! So then I started to pray and with confidence, asked God Boldy to give me the RWB job...

Then I began praising God! Oh the victory He will have in this position! overcoming so much of my insecurities and past defeats! My failures! It is truely only by God that I could ever get this job, and In faith, I am praising Him for this victory!

This is when i started rambling in tongues and got those words for you peeps :) anywho, keep praying with me about my interview tomorrow at the Royal Winnipeg Ballet at 3 or 3:30 (can't really remember which time...I wasn't interested when i got the call, so now i'm frantically hunting down the details again)...

thanks!! and Praise God some more for me!