Wake up

All Sons and Daughters concert this Friday. My sister in law invited me to go a while back. Josiah still doesn't really eat for anyone else so it will be an interesting evening... But I am going either way! Haha... I feel guilty... But I can suppress it I think. Don't worry! (Poor Curtis)

Anyway I was thinking I should listen to some of their music before going since its more of a worship event than a concert. 

Lets just say I am not too familiar with them. And this is one of the first songs that is playing while I am in the kitchen putting dishes away

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PoPWqi0W2DA

Well I am a bit sheltered when it comes to worship. I don't know why I don't play more around the house, but I usually get to church every 2-4 weeks because of Josiah's schedule. 

Oh my word... All that "wake up wake up all you dreamers" Ecclesiastes dry bones business... Gets me every time! I am a dry bone... Lol that's what part of the Body I am right now... A dry bone. Sorry church, I don't have much to throw your way. 

I know God has grace for moms, but why does it seem like some mom's faith is strengthened by becoming a parent, while others struggle? I apparently am really struggling. Call it a spiritual post-partum depression if you want. I can visualize and feel what a want my faith to be. I long and thirst for more of him but can't be bothered to reach out. I am surrounded by spiritual encouragers on every side (people, books, bible, music, apps, nature etc...) but don't utilize any of it. 

And naturally, it affects the rest of me too. I have been very stressed about our family situation lately and kind of bottling it up (especially since it is FAR more stressful for Curtis... What right do I have to feel overwhelmed?). 

It affects how much patience I have for Josiah, and how much intentional quality time I give him. It affects whether I eat healthy or exercise. It affects if the house is clean (or I am clean for that matter)... Lol kinda sounds like regular post-partum a bit... Guess that's not impossible either, but I kinda doubt that because I have generally high spirits despite these things. 

Anyway, Sunday we move back in with Curtis's parents, and October first our house is being demolished from the main floor up... Oh my oh my. It's one of those situations where (even though I have the best possible in-laws for this situation) I think any mom can understand why I am feeling a little stressed... Especially with no specific end in sight. 

 I don't really get to vent though cause given that Curtis is doing all the work on our house on top of running a business, his stress level is a trump card.  He prefers not to talk about stressful things (weird I know;). 

So here I am two days from moving day and not a thing packed... Maybe two or three boxes in the house to pack in. I am just kinda frozen. (And of course Josiah hasn't been sleeping well so neither have I). Man these things move slower with a baby. I am glad I have a week after we move to clear out the house. 

Anyway, prayers would be appreciated. Josiah's eating has been generally better.   I pump while feeding him now so a good feed only takes 20 minutes. He still has some really rough days and that gets me discouraged and aggravated, especially if I haven't slept, but if I look at the past month, things have gotten better overall so I can't really complain. And at least with this whole situation, I will have other people around and a couple extra sets of hands if I need to step away. 

I guess God knows what he's doing.