test-driving planet earth

It's been a while since i've blogged! Well, i'm still sick...been sick for 20 days now, and i'm not enjoying it...but in any case, God's still teaching me stuff!

I've been reading this "god sightings" thing that I mentioned in my last post, and it's been really neat to read the old testament and new testament side-by-side. I never realized how much everyone was test-driving this whole earth thing in the beginning! Even God! Like...at one point He says "man, i regret letting man live to be 900 years old! that's waaaay too long! after this flood, i'll start over and they won't live as long!"

Or when Lot flees from Sodom and then his daughters make him drunk and sleep with him to get pregnant... That one REALLY seems like a "well we're new at this whole 'earth' thing so...". But God doesn't bat an eye, He blesses those kids and creates the ammonites and moabites out of them!

Or Abraham... what a messed up marriage him and Sarah had! First he's a coward and lies to the Egyptians saying "no, she's my sister! you go right ahead and sleep with her!" and they do... He actually lets the Egyptians sleep with his wife! ...then later on, when both Abraham and Sarah are doubting God's prophecy, she gives him her servant... So Abraham has sex with his wife's servant and impregnates her... Heck! If I was Sarah, i'd never forgive him, even though it was my decision! What a messed up family, and yet God decided to make the greatest nation from them...

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But then you flip to the new testament, and Christ says "if you even look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery with her in your heart" ... boy things sure changed!

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Another thing I don't really get... Abraham could chat it up with god, dispite how messed up his marriage was. no sacrifices first, no "holy of holies"... he could just interrupt god's plans and say "what about 30 people in sodom? then will you spare it?" "what about 20? 10?" ...and God didn't zap him dead...

But then later on in the old testament, a man get's zapped dead for picking up some wood for a fire on the sabbath...

I think it's safe to say we cannot understand God, or his grace or His judgment. We just need to have faith and believe that He is a fare, just and gracious God!

christmas

you know... I haven't  been that great at keeping up with God lately. And recently, i've been sick for a while...like..."13-days-and-counting" a while... I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, i've got cabin fever, and it just never seems to end, but you know what? That hasn't stopped Christ from touching me during this holiday season.

Yesterday I finally picked up the bible (first time in a while)...actually, it's a devotional/bible called "God Sightings". It's the whole bible but they cut and paste big passages so you get to read some old testament, psalms proverbs and new testament each day. It's really quite neat! I opened it up and read the first day, which happened to be the creation story and the birth of Christ.  Suddenly my mind clicked, and I realized how pointless this season has been for me so far. I was beginning to dis-like Christmas. Really, this this is a time to celebrate how God re-created a way for us to be with Him; how we were always meant to be with Him...

God touched me that moment, and I began to think about where I was at. As I prayed, I could sense God's grace coming down to me. Then He started speaking to me. He told me to take a hot relaxing bath. light candles, and just relax.
Sounds alright right? wrong! I have an ear infection, and getting my head wet seems like the worst idea ever! especially when the ear is so plugged that I've been hearing 2 tones (one in one ear, and another tone in the other) for the last couple days. But I did it anyway, and decided I would just keep my head above the water. (for most people that's not an issue. but I'm short and my feet don't reach the end of the tub, so naturally my head is usually in the water!)

as I was in the bath, I had a "give up" moment with God. I spoke the lyrics to a song my old youth pastor used to sing.
"Lord I'm tired,
so tired from walking
lord i'm so alone.
Lord the dark is creeping in, creeping up to swallow me
I think I'll stop, and rest here a while.

This is all that I can say right now.
this is all that I can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything.

Didn't you see me crying?
didn't you see me, standing here
wasnt it you i gave my heart to?
wasn't it you who said you'd always be here

and this is it!
this is all that I can say right now,
this is all that i can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything"

There's a third verse... but I'll just fill in some details first. As I spoke those words, really meaning them, I could really sense that Christ was near. I also sensed the warfare in the room and began praying to defeat that warfare. Once that was done, I listened to Christ and He was speaking to me. He was telling me how much he loved me, and that he wants to heal me. He wanted me to put my head in the water...

Obviously I thought he was a bit crazy, but then i got a mental image of the leper who had to dunk in the dirty water 7 times before he was healed. That would have been even WORSE than this (in terms of physically making your symptoms worse) Jesus also put mud on a blind mans eyes...like that should help anything... So with that in mind i said "alright you crazy God! Here goes nothing"

long story short, later that evening I could hear clearly out of that ear!  Christ began telling me other silly things like "you will sleep through the night tonight" (ya right) and "you are going to have energy to clean tonight" and "you will feel well enough to work out tomorrow, but you shouldn't" All of these things have happened. He also told me "you need to start covering your mouth with every cough and disinfect high-traffic spots"...this morning I see that I have pink-eye (due to my antibiotics) and research that it spreads through coughing and touching things like door knobs etc... Pretty crazy God eh?

Now for that last verse...

"I didn't notice you
I didn't notice you were, standing there.
I didn't notice you were crying too.
I didn't know that it was you washing my feet

and this is all
this is all that I can say right now.
this is all that I can give
this is all that I can say right now
and that's my everything!"

First Nations movement!

So we had a gospel singer in church today who was dressed in her traditional ragalia, and sang her heart out about Jesus. ...I'm lovin' how God is confirming prophesies! Go revival go!

Altar:

: a usually raised structure or place on which sacrifices are offered or incense is burned in worship —often used figuratively to describe a thing given great or undue precedence or value especially at the cost of something else altar of career>  (http://mw1.meriam-webster.com/dictionary/altar) 


...gee...doesn't that take all the fire out of  the meaning of an altar. Maybe my definition is wrong, but it works for me! I think an altar is something you create out of worship for God. In the bible people made them when significant events happened, and they stayed there for a long time as reminders of those events. An altar is also a place where you can come and meet with God, get advice and make sacrifices to Him, that will ultimately bring you closer together.


I want to make an altar, because I know that I am in no place to be walking closely with God. For me, a symbol of how God has personally covered me with his grace, would be something that would continue to give me faith.  Maybe I'm just being an unfaithful christian... I don't really know! But I sure know this:


I've been straying from him, and he's been waiting for me. I've been following my own desires, and he's been creating new paths for me to run back to him. I've been avoiding him and he's been running into me! I've been treating him like a Genie and he has graciously answered my prayers. I have dishonored Him, but He has not once dishonored or disrespected me. I have lost faith in God, but God hasn't lost faith in me.


Maybe my alter need's to be Christmas itself! It has been a long time since i've spent advent truly meditating on Christ, preparing for Christmas! Maybe this year needs to be different. I have a God that's WAAY better than the above paragraph describes. He is worth spending a little bit of time on this month. perhaps my alter which will cause me to remember, look back at his grace...perhaps the alter where I will sacrifice myself, is a bail of straw and a silent infant. maybe my alter needs to be Christ himself!


Funny, how I knew that all along...

A.D.D. update

So I think it's safe to say these meds are doing something! They said it'd take two weeks to see the full effect but I'm definately noticing results already! I'll just give you a bulleted list!

At Home:

• I am not frustrated by folding socks, because I remember which ones I left on my knee
• When I clean, I don't jump from room to room in a scattered way. I can focus and clean one room. If I have to put something away in a different room, I don't get distracted and start cleaning THAT room.
• When I think of something important, I dont have to drop everything I am doing to do that task. I can finish my present duty and be confident I will remember the important thing later (seriously THAT is mind blowing)

 At Work

• When we are over-loaded with customers in Jewellry, I do not get overwhelmed. I focus on my customer and don't neglect security. I will patiently put things back before rushing to take out the next piece of jewellry for the customer to see.
• When my manager comes to help i dont get flustered, I remain focused on my task and I DON'T forget little procedural tasks that I usually neglect! In fact, my managet didn't correct me ONCE the entire two hour period she was there!

At Band practice

• three other band members got impatient or frustrated but I didn't lose my cool even once the entire weekend
• i was not stressed out
• i didn't run around, make stupid comments, or give a lot of rambling unnecessary advice.
• I was focused on the song at hand, even if it was just the band working on a part.

At Church

•  even curtis couldn't focus, but I did!
• I can still remember every point of the sermon, and the random funny bits of it.
• :) In Excelcies Deo means "God be exalted in the Highest"
•  The Shepherds in france used to yell across the fields at midnight "GLORIA! IN EXCELCIES DEO!" and other shepherds would respond with the same answer
• The churches began using this phrase at their christmas eve mass
• it became a song, about people inquiring about the shepherds joy, to which they responded "you just have to see it for yourself!!"

TAKE THAT WORLD! :)

ADD treatment day1/2

So I dropped off the prescription from my doctor two days ago and haven't gotten around to filling it till now. it's called methylphenidate and I take 5 mg two times a day...it's basically the smallest dose possible and we'll see how it goes and adjust the dose from there! It's an interesting drug cause it only stays in your system for 4 hours. So basically, I can take it when I know I will need to focus on something.

I decided to pull a "here goes nothing" and give it a shot. I just popped a pill, so we'll see what happens! I'm definately nervous about it... but apparently one of the side effects is loss in appetite... which for me is a good thing! lol!

I really hope this works out. it'll be nice to have a bit of control and think clearly for once.

PS: I haven't told my mom about this yet. If you've ever met her, then you probably understand that I don't want her making a big deal out of it. I plan on telling her once i'm settled into a certain dosage and have been on it for a while (A.K.A her opinion will have no effect or meaning on my life decisions)

Other than that, feel free to keep me in your prayers, and read my blog posts to get further updates on how the drugs are making me feel! I have a band gig this weekend, and lately my ADD has been a bit rediculous at practices, so I'm curious how the weekend will go with the drugs!

:) whoot!