Two words: Birth, Plan...
I had one... I had one with Josiah for sure! A very complex and detailed one, involving the dula we hired, and the music I would listen to, the essential oils i would use to soothe myself, how far i'd let myself go before having pain killers, the use of the birthing tub (be it available), how we'd announce the birth, a list of who to call first, what curtis needs to tell them (eg; please dont put anything on social media), what positions for birthing, delayed cord clamping, whether or not we wanted baby bathed or given those eye drops or vitamin K shot etc... oh yes it was detailed!
And what happened? I was on bed rest for 3 weeks followed by an emergency c section at 36 weeks gestation followed by immediate NICU for 24 hours and a 7 day hospital stay for Jaundice... hmmm...
Birth plan...
I had one for sammy too actually but this time I knew better. it was more like a piece of post-it note paper with a grocery list for curtis incase i was too incoherant to give my own opinions on things... something like
- yes to epidural
- delayed cord clamping
-labor naturally
-vbac if at all possible, but c-section if any doubts
- let placenta birth naturally
not too much to ask eh? well... my bloodpressure was up again, so I was on the induction list... lucky for me their NICU was full so they werent allowed to induce a "high risk" pregnancy unless NICU had space. So I ran 10 days past my due date with sammy, and had been laboring two nights already before they induced me on the drip. I got my epidural, but just when it looked like it was going to be a C-section, the doctor came in (still not sure who it was, but she was clearly sent from God). she took one look and said "lets try and get this one out naturally". And out he came. she stopped nurses and said "no! we're delaying the cord clamping" and then later i heard "no, just let the placenta come on it's own". bare in mind no instructing from me was had...
wow! Talk about God's being in control!
But was he less in control of Josiah's birth? no, no he wasnt... and what clued me into that, was one of my netflix mom-binge-watching fests of a good ol' show called Downton Abbey... when Sybil dies in child birth... Legit... had i been in control of my birth plan, that is PRECISELY what my story would have been. To the letter (minus all the royal treatment of course lol)
So yes, God was in control of my births...
And you know what... God was in control of Mary's birth plan too. I bet she had one. This was a descrete pregnancy. she probably had it all planned out. To maybe travel back to her cousins, or stay at her mothers house or perhaps joseph's parents place for the birth so she would have help from other women to deliver...she would have planned a place for baby, clothes for baby... I bet she had been sewing garments for a while. planned on her diapering plans, knew what she needed to eat to make baby jesus's milk the best, products for her own postpartum care such as a stomach wrap and cleansers etc... She-had-a-birth-plan... But her plan wasn't Gods. And God's plan, even if we can't see it, is always better than ours.
Had Jesus not been born in that barn, the shepherds may not have heard. Kings may not have come. The star would be for nothing. And the sheer test of Joseph and Mary's faith likely strengthened their marraige in a way that cannot be written or described. Joseph helping Mary deliver would have been 100% forbidden and detested in that time. Not only did he stay with Mary, but he hand-delivered that child, from a woman he hadn't slept with, a child not his own... and in a culture where that made him physically unclean to help her with this...huge tests of faith all over the place. We never touch on Mary and Joseph's marraige but I sometimes wonder if this birht story was specifically to make their bond stronger.
And another thought from my own birthing memories... "silent night"... This saying has been analyzed to death, being related to births or the style of birth, or the peace of christ and the moment... but what about from a mothers view?
I urge you other moms out there... close your eyes for a moment and recall the night or day right after giving birth... you're tired...he's tired...baby sleeps a lot... you're all stuck in that hospital room and everything is calm... exhausted but calm... and there's this peace over the whole situation...regardless of how your birth plan panned out, things are calm and peaceful. and you sit there... with this brand new tiny human in your arms saying "wow" and it was all okay in that moment. peace, unity, perfection... theres anxiety about "can i do this" or whether or not you have that "motherly" feeling or not... You might be filled with Joy, or filled with anxt... remembering fondly or not-so-fondly the events of the past 48 hours, but in the end... its really a silent night....and its really a holy night...
just some food for thought in this season! :)
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