Two words: Birth, Plan...
I had one... I had one with Josiah for sure! A very complex and detailed one, involving the dula we hired, and the music I would listen to, the essential oils i would use to soothe myself, how far i'd let myself go before having pain killers, the use of the birthing tub (be it available), how we'd announce the birth, a list of who to call first, what curtis needs to tell them (eg; please dont put anything on social media), what positions for birthing, delayed cord clamping, whether or not we wanted baby bathed or given those eye drops or vitamin K shot etc... oh yes it was detailed!
And what happened? I was on bed rest for 3 weeks followed by an emergency c section at 36 weeks gestation followed by immediate NICU for 24 hours and a 7 day hospital stay for Jaundice... hmmm...
Birth plan...
I had one for sammy too actually but this time I knew better. it was more like a piece of post-it note paper with a grocery list for curtis incase i was too incoherant to give my own opinions on things... something like
- yes to epidural
- delayed cord clamping
-labor naturally
-vbac if at all possible, but c-section if any doubts
- let placenta birth naturally
not too much to ask eh? well... my bloodpressure was up again, so I was on the induction list... lucky for me their NICU was full so they werent allowed to induce a "high risk" pregnancy unless NICU had space. So I ran 10 days past my due date with sammy, and had been laboring two nights already before they induced me on the drip. I got my epidural, but just when it looked like it was going to be a C-section, the doctor came in (still not sure who it was, but she was clearly sent from God). she took one look and said "lets try and get this one out naturally". And out he came. she stopped nurses and said "no! we're delaying the cord clamping" and then later i heard "no, just let the placenta come on it's own". bare in mind no instructing from me was had...
wow! Talk about God's being in control!
But was he less in control of Josiah's birth? no, no he wasnt... and what clued me into that, was one of my netflix mom-binge-watching fests of a good ol' show called Downton Abbey... when Sybil dies in child birth... Legit... had i been in control of my birth plan, that is PRECISELY what my story would have been. To the letter (minus all the royal treatment of course lol)
So yes, God was in control of my births...
And you know what... God was in control of Mary's birth plan too. I bet she had one. This was a descrete pregnancy. she probably had it all planned out. To maybe travel back to her cousins, or stay at her mothers house or perhaps joseph's parents place for the birth so she would have help from other women to deliver...she would have planned a place for baby, clothes for baby... I bet she had been sewing garments for a while. planned on her diapering plans, knew what she needed to eat to make baby jesus's milk the best, products for her own postpartum care such as a stomach wrap and cleansers etc... She-had-a-birth-plan... But her plan wasn't Gods. And God's plan, even if we can't see it, is always better than ours.
Had Jesus not been born in that barn, the shepherds may not have heard. Kings may not have come. The star would be for nothing. And the sheer test of Joseph and Mary's faith likely strengthened their marraige in a way that cannot be written or described. Joseph helping Mary deliver would have been 100% forbidden and detested in that time. Not only did he stay with Mary, but he hand-delivered that child, from a woman he hadn't slept with, a child not his own... and in a culture where that made him physically unclean to help her with this...huge tests of faith all over the place. We never touch on Mary and Joseph's marraige but I sometimes wonder if this birht story was specifically to make their bond stronger.
And another thought from my own birthing memories... "silent night"... This saying has been analyzed to death, being related to births or the style of birth, or the peace of christ and the moment... but what about from a mothers view?
I urge you other moms out there... close your eyes for a moment and recall the night or day right after giving birth... you're tired...he's tired...baby sleeps a lot... you're all stuck in that hospital room and everything is calm... exhausted but calm... and there's this peace over the whole situation...regardless of how your birth plan panned out, things are calm and peaceful. and you sit there... with this brand new tiny human in your arms saying "wow" and it was all okay in that moment. peace, unity, perfection... theres anxiety about "can i do this" or whether or not you have that "motherly" feeling or not... You might be filled with Joy, or filled with anxt... remembering fondly or not-so-fondly the events of the past 48 hours, but in the end... its really a silent night....and its really a holy night...
just some food for thought in this season! :)
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Why i'm not a minimalist
As I sit here with my luke-warm coffee... (and seriousely its at that slightly cooler side of luke warm without being fully cold coffee...about as miserable a temperature as coffee can have)...Anyways, as I sit here with this luke warm coffee, I am pulled/driven to journal right now about something that has been bugging me... Minimalism within celebrations.
Now...before I begin, full disclaimer: I am well aware that I am about as big a "fool" as is Biblically possible. so take my words with that grain of salt for sure. (no for real. lol I read proverbs and its like...wow! Did he know me!? I swear king Solomon would take one look at me and say "yup here comes another one! lol). Also in this disclaimer, is that I have ADHD (aka, the clinical term for the biblically more well-known term "fool") so... ya! I say it like I see it. Take it or leave it. This is mostly a public journal to me. I haven't started writing this with my thoughts fully formed. I am an external processor and will say it as I think it. So please, my lovely minimalist friends do not be offended! Use your wonderfully logical mature brains to slap that fool lable on my forehead instead, or, maybe... learn a thing or two? (i'm sure there's a reason Jesus picked a bunch of fools for his disciples)
Christmas! Christmas is almost here! It's in the long-range forecast on the weather network already for crying out loud! My milk is good till after christmas! Thats how freaking close it is (or maybe how good my milk is lol). And Christmas for me, is worth celebrating! It's worth going big, and being happy about...
We have several advent calendars on the go...
1) Frosty's nose: Frosty's nose moves in a circle like a clock-hand. with numbers going from left to right 1-25. When frosty's nose is all the way on the right, it's christmas! Kids can measure time, without understanding numbers up to 25 :) thank you, dollarama...
2) christmas tree velcro: every day we put on an ornament...or two or three (and skip three days) the important thing is that the star goes on last, on christmas eve. Thank you mom H! :)
3) Christmas mailboxes: Made lovingly by myself and decorated by the boys, every day I sneak a craft project (usually a cheap wooden ornament to paint...14/$1 kinda thing) and a laminated character of the nativity scene, along with a 1-2 paragraph devotional about that character and jesus.
You see, I have tried minimalist christmas... I have done it in years past. Make it all about Jesus and only Jesus. but the reality is? its just me then. Those have been my LEAST SATISFYING CHRISTMASES! You know why? because you expect the bigger celebrations to have more meaning, but they just dont. No one at the gathering cares about my latest revelations. the one clan still doesnt read the christmas story, and the other one, breezes through it to get to presents... its all still the same at the gatherings... And for me, what ended up happening is I criminalized anything christmas. The music, the food, the presents, the shallow chitter-chatter at gatherings. Anything that wasn't blatantly about christ became a distraction, or foothold or evil in my mind...
WORST..
CHRISTMASES
OF... MY..... LIFE....
And last year, I just did nothing spiritual at christmas. Sure, not my best move either but you know what?
- I LOVED FAMILY TIME!
- I have fond memories of gatherings, time with my kids, enjoying the frivelous business...
- I enjoyed the church experience all-together because I took it in as a blank canvas. :)
Really, Christ still touched me and I still celebrated his birth, an it was all genuine and happy.
hmm.... The business didnt get in the way... at...all...
Here's the other thing:
Are you a vibrant person? do you live life with energy and enthusiasm? then why shouldnt christmas be the same way?
here's some examples from my life.
THE GARDEN:
Feb- start seeds indoors
march- start more seeds
april -grow-op house, 3 different garden layouts completed, greenhouses and seeds and dirt bought.
may- feb plants die...thats okay, plant more! :)
June- YAY GARDEN!!!!
july-sept TWO HOURS A DAY IN THE FREAKING GARDEN!!!
KIDS BIRTHDAYS
- 6 months ahead- pick theme, contact family members about potential group gifts if applicable
-5-3 months ahead- scour pinterest and amazon to be FULLY INFORMED about everything pertaining to chosen birthday theme
-2 months ahead- nail down the itinerary and menu, begin planning the cake
-1 month ahead- anything that can be bought ahead has been, invitations sent, plans made, etc....
-24 hours before -cleaning (I hate this part lol) and cake decorating....
EASTER
- LENT ALL THE WAY!!
-hot crossed buns for the whole church service
- random acts of kindness
- a spiritual retreat to prepare including personal communion
Third child (Bare in mind we aren't pregnant, we are not trying to get pregnant and DONT EVEN KNOW IF WE WANT A THIRD CHILD!!!)
- Stroller picked
- names of either gender picked
- pregnancy diet plan picked
- bedroom strategy in place...
- private on-going registry on amazon in place as a check-list
You get the idea... I do things over-kill. Its just my style! And it doesn't make me miserable, I dont do it out of worry or anxiety, I enjoy every minute of it... and its just who I am. If I have company over for an impromptu lunch, it's gonna have 3-5 separate dishes to it... other than dessert...(which may only have one option since it was impromptu, but dont worry, i'll appologise for that)
ITS JUST ME! So why would I stop being myself at Christmas? Because its trendy? Because everyone else is doing it? No.
and you know what? I am not the only vibrant person in the world, so I just don't understand this minimalist trend... some people are genuinely minimalists. Take my mother-in-law. This woman genuinely LOVES to eat a plain baked potato... no butter, no salt. She loves things in their place, thrives on order, and genuinely is energized by simplicity and it's beauty. That is amazing! And I'll never be like that! But I am happy to experience that joy through her. I dont feel the need to be like that, because it's not who I am. And I imagine when she comes over and sees our christmas-plastered house, she laughs inside to herself and also gets joy from my crazy-Christmas style, happy that it's not in her own home.
But this minimalism is getting so strong in our culture that I almost feel like I need to hide how I celebrate christmas... Like I need to apologize for it, or justify it (which is basically what I am doing when I write this post i guess).
But there's another reason I feel its so important to not do Christmas minimalistically. And that has to do with childhood cognitive development... Anyone who'se grown up in the church knows the expression "Free gift of salvation". And most of us will have a primal feeling attached to hearing those words. For me it's the feeling I had when I received "hula hair barbie" for my twelfth birthday... it was not a justifiable gift, it was too expensive, I was growing out of barbies, and as far as my parents could tell, tomorrow a different one would be more popular anyways... But the elation I felt when I received that gift from my grandma (and I was well-aware at that time that my parents did the buying for grandma) was next-to-none. Here was a gift I didnt need, didnt deserve, and didnt earn. There was no justifiable reason for me to get it other than love. Thats it. Free, unconditional gift.
There is so much of our spiritual walk with christ that is tied into our upbringing. Critical parents equals us thinking God is critical... Abusive father, makes it hard to connect with the term "heavenly father". Similarely, a good dad, makes this a nice natural analogy in someones spiritual life. And so, celebrations, directly correlate to what I percieve heaven to be like! Celebrations growing up were always unnecessarily frivelous and fun. more than we needed to eat, more games than needed to be played, louder than they had to be...why? because its a celebration! :) And when I think of heaven being a party, its not going to be a "because we have to" party, it's gonna be frivolous and fun and loud and awesome!
AND I WANT THIS FOR MY KIDS! :)
I want them to know that God is joy and fun and parties and silliness and unnecessary fun out of love, and free gifts of love....
I'm not getting my kids clothes for christmas, or things they need. They will get the things they need because we are their parents. I will get them free gifts of love.
Our boys are getting toys for christmas **GASP!** *LOOK OF DISGUST AND HORRER* not "gifts of time" not "gift cards or coupons for dates" not a "family gift" no. they are getting straight-up toys that may or may not break in the next few months... and you know what? they will be ecxtatic about it. And be filled with child-like excitement. You know, the kind of excitement God and Christ desire us to have when we think about the gift he gave us. and you knwo what? they are two and four years old. so if christmas of family and presents doesnt quite connect to christmas of baby Jesus, thats okay. they can be two separate things in their minds for now. I wont be making a birthday cake on christmas...It just doesnt seem like a good use of our time on such a special day. They are learning about christ all month and will hear the story again on christmas day. And as they grow, they will connect the dots, or our traditions will change to help connect them.
But for now, the santas, the cookies, the decorations, the gatherings and parties, the gifts, the donations, the songs... it's all important, its all within God's will, and edifying and beneficial. Its all christmas and it's all Christ. Christ loved parties. He's the one who turned water into wine. This isnt just a cheap excuse to party, IT WAS CHRISTS FIRST MIRACLE! Celebration is so important he made a whole day of rest called the sabbath where we get together with our christian family, and sing songs and learn and its all supposed to be with joy and celebration! :) CHRISTMAS IS ALL OF THAT!
christmas is far from simple. It was a complex and stressful time for mary and joseph. It wasnt simple or minimal. Christ was visited by Kings and shepherds alike. There was an angel choir. Gifts of Gold, frankinsense and myrrh, glory to God in the highest. A BRAND NEW STAR! God invited kings from all across the land to meet his son. SO LETS CELEBRATE! BE JUBILANT AND JOYOUS THIS CHRISTMAS! dont hold back because its trendy. If you are genuinely a minimalist like my mother in law, then TAKE JOY IN THAT! and celebrate that way because its you! But if cutting back on christmas is hard work for you, THEN STOP IT!!! CELEBRATE! :)
okay i'm done preaching for now...but mostly cause it's time to paint christmas ornaments with my kids.
Now...before I begin, full disclaimer: I am well aware that I am about as big a "fool" as is Biblically possible. so take my words with that grain of salt for sure. (no for real. lol I read proverbs and its like...wow! Did he know me!? I swear king Solomon would take one look at me and say "yup here comes another one! lol). Also in this disclaimer, is that I have ADHD (aka, the clinical term for the biblically more well-known term "fool") so... ya! I say it like I see it. Take it or leave it. This is mostly a public journal to me. I haven't started writing this with my thoughts fully formed. I am an external processor and will say it as I think it. So please, my lovely minimalist friends do not be offended! Use your wonderfully logical mature brains to slap that fool lable on my forehead instead, or, maybe... learn a thing or two? (i'm sure there's a reason Jesus picked a bunch of fools for his disciples)
Christmas! Christmas is almost here! It's in the long-range forecast on the weather network already for crying out loud! My milk is good till after christmas! Thats how freaking close it is (or maybe how good my milk is lol). And Christmas for me, is worth celebrating! It's worth going big, and being happy about...
We have several advent calendars on the go...
1) Frosty's nose: Frosty's nose moves in a circle like a clock-hand. with numbers going from left to right 1-25. When frosty's nose is all the way on the right, it's christmas! Kids can measure time, without understanding numbers up to 25 :) thank you, dollarama...
2) christmas tree velcro: every day we put on an ornament...or two or three (and skip three days) the important thing is that the star goes on last, on christmas eve. Thank you mom H! :)
3) Christmas mailboxes: Made lovingly by myself and decorated by the boys, every day I sneak a craft project (usually a cheap wooden ornament to paint...14/$1 kinda thing) and a laminated character of the nativity scene, along with a 1-2 paragraph devotional about that character and jesus.
- Our tree was chopped and decorated by December 3'rd (dont worry tree lovers, we planted at least 100 trees this year lol!)
- I decorated in a very tacky-traditional style that is almost seuse-like
- i've been listening to Christmas music since July
- Josiah and I have made ornaments since July (to sell, and raise money to buy food for wpg harvest).
- our presents were all bought by Halloween
- 90% wrapped before mid november
- I currently have at least eleven full-batch varieties of cookies in our fridge-freezer ... at any given time after november 20'th lol!
- christmas cards were mailed over a week ago....
You see, I have tried minimalist christmas... I have done it in years past. Make it all about Jesus and only Jesus. but the reality is? its just me then. Those have been my LEAST SATISFYING CHRISTMASES! You know why? because you expect the bigger celebrations to have more meaning, but they just dont. No one at the gathering cares about my latest revelations. the one clan still doesnt read the christmas story, and the other one, breezes through it to get to presents... its all still the same at the gatherings... And for me, what ended up happening is I criminalized anything christmas. The music, the food, the presents, the shallow chitter-chatter at gatherings. Anything that wasn't blatantly about christ became a distraction, or foothold or evil in my mind...
WORST..
CHRISTMASES
OF... MY..... LIFE....
And last year, I just did nothing spiritual at christmas. Sure, not my best move either but you know what?
- I LOVED FAMILY TIME!
- I have fond memories of gatherings, time with my kids, enjoying the frivelous business...
- I enjoyed the church experience all-together because I took it in as a blank canvas. :)
Really, Christ still touched me and I still celebrated his birth, an it was all genuine and happy.
hmm.... The business didnt get in the way... at...all...
Here's the other thing:
Are you a vibrant person? do you live life with energy and enthusiasm? then why shouldnt christmas be the same way?
here's some examples from my life.
THE GARDEN:
Feb- start seeds indoors
march- start more seeds
april -grow-op house, 3 different garden layouts completed, greenhouses and seeds and dirt bought.
may- feb plants die...thats okay, plant more! :)
June- YAY GARDEN!!!!
july-sept TWO HOURS A DAY IN THE FREAKING GARDEN!!!
KIDS BIRTHDAYS
- 6 months ahead- pick theme, contact family members about potential group gifts if applicable
-5-3 months ahead- scour pinterest and amazon to be FULLY INFORMED about everything pertaining to chosen birthday theme
-2 months ahead- nail down the itinerary and menu, begin planning the cake
-1 month ahead- anything that can be bought ahead has been, invitations sent, plans made, etc....
-24 hours before -cleaning (I hate this part lol) and cake decorating....
EASTER
- LENT ALL THE WAY!!
-hot crossed buns for the whole church service
- random acts of kindness
- a spiritual retreat to prepare including personal communion
Third child (Bare in mind we aren't pregnant, we are not trying to get pregnant and DONT EVEN KNOW IF WE WANT A THIRD CHILD!!!)
- Stroller picked
- names of either gender picked
- pregnancy diet plan picked
- bedroom strategy in place...
- private on-going registry on amazon in place as a check-list
You get the idea... I do things over-kill. Its just my style! And it doesn't make me miserable, I dont do it out of worry or anxiety, I enjoy every minute of it... and its just who I am. If I have company over for an impromptu lunch, it's gonna have 3-5 separate dishes to it... other than dessert...(which may only have one option since it was impromptu, but dont worry, i'll appologise for that)
ITS JUST ME! So why would I stop being myself at Christmas? Because its trendy? Because everyone else is doing it? No.
and you know what? I am not the only vibrant person in the world, so I just don't understand this minimalist trend... some people are genuinely minimalists. Take my mother-in-law. This woman genuinely LOVES to eat a plain baked potato... no butter, no salt. She loves things in their place, thrives on order, and genuinely is energized by simplicity and it's beauty. That is amazing! And I'll never be like that! But I am happy to experience that joy through her. I dont feel the need to be like that, because it's not who I am. And I imagine when she comes over and sees our christmas-plastered house, she laughs inside to herself and also gets joy from my crazy-Christmas style, happy that it's not in her own home.
But this minimalism is getting so strong in our culture that I almost feel like I need to hide how I celebrate christmas... Like I need to apologize for it, or justify it (which is basically what I am doing when I write this post i guess).
But there's another reason I feel its so important to not do Christmas minimalistically. And that has to do with childhood cognitive development... Anyone who'se grown up in the church knows the expression "Free gift of salvation". And most of us will have a primal feeling attached to hearing those words. For me it's the feeling I had when I received "hula hair barbie" for my twelfth birthday... it was not a justifiable gift, it was too expensive, I was growing out of barbies, and as far as my parents could tell, tomorrow a different one would be more popular anyways... But the elation I felt when I received that gift from my grandma (and I was well-aware at that time that my parents did the buying for grandma) was next-to-none. Here was a gift I didnt need, didnt deserve, and didnt earn. There was no justifiable reason for me to get it other than love. Thats it. Free, unconditional gift.
There is so much of our spiritual walk with christ that is tied into our upbringing. Critical parents equals us thinking God is critical... Abusive father, makes it hard to connect with the term "heavenly father". Similarely, a good dad, makes this a nice natural analogy in someones spiritual life. And so, celebrations, directly correlate to what I percieve heaven to be like! Celebrations growing up were always unnecessarily frivelous and fun. more than we needed to eat, more games than needed to be played, louder than they had to be...why? because its a celebration! :) And when I think of heaven being a party, its not going to be a "because we have to" party, it's gonna be frivolous and fun and loud and awesome!
AND I WANT THIS FOR MY KIDS! :)
I want them to know that God is joy and fun and parties and silliness and unnecessary fun out of love, and free gifts of love....
I'm not getting my kids clothes for christmas, or things they need. They will get the things they need because we are their parents. I will get them free gifts of love.
Our boys are getting toys for christmas **GASP!** *LOOK OF DISGUST AND HORRER* not "gifts of time" not "gift cards or coupons for dates" not a "family gift" no. they are getting straight-up toys that may or may not break in the next few months... and you know what? they will be ecxtatic about it. And be filled with child-like excitement. You know, the kind of excitement God and Christ desire us to have when we think about the gift he gave us. and you knwo what? they are two and four years old. so if christmas of family and presents doesnt quite connect to christmas of baby Jesus, thats okay. they can be two separate things in their minds for now. I wont be making a birthday cake on christmas...It just doesnt seem like a good use of our time on such a special day. They are learning about christ all month and will hear the story again on christmas day. And as they grow, they will connect the dots, or our traditions will change to help connect them.
But for now, the santas, the cookies, the decorations, the gatherings and parties, the gifts, the donations, the songs... it's all important, its all within God's will, and edifying and beneficial. Its all christmas and it's all Christ. Christ loved parties. He's the one who turned water into wine. This isnt just a cheap excuse to party, IT WAS CHRISTS FIRST MIRACLE! Celebration is so important he made a whole day of rest called the sabbath where we get together with our christian family, and sing songs and learn and its all supposed to be with joy and celebration! :) CHRISTMAS IS ALL OF THAT!
christmas is far from simple. It was a complex and stressful time for mary and joseph. It wasnt simple or minimal. Christ was visited by Kings and shepherds alike. There was an angel choir. Gifts of Gold, frankinsense and myrrh, glory to God in the highest. A BRAND NEW STAR! God invited kings from all across the land to meet his son. SO LETS CELEBRATE! BE JUBILANT AND JOYOUS THIS CHRISTMAS! dont hold back because its trendy. If you are genuinely a minimalist like my mother in law, then TAKE JOY IN THAT! and celebrate that way because its you! But if cutting back on christmas is hard work for you, THEN STOP IT!!! CELEBRATE! :)
okay i'm done preaching for now...but mostly cause it's time to paint christmas ornaments with my kids.
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