Lent Devo/Media Fast Update

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I am on day 23 of 30 in my devotional, which is a five-days-a-week plan,which perfectly covers the period of time commonly known as "lent". Lent is not something I grew up celebrating, and to be honest, not something I have cared to do a lot of research into. The fact is, I think if we can devote 24 days to "advent" in preparation for celebrating Christ's birth, we ought to spend at least that much time preparing for his salvation-giving act of dieing on the cross and His victorious resurrection. THIS is why I am celebrating Lent. Whatever else it may mean, I do not know. But between me and God, it is 100% about preparing my heart to celebrate what Christ has done for me. End of story.  (This is why I don't see giving up chocolate or candy or something else is really a beneficial Lent activity... how does that bring you closer to God? I mean, if it REALLY does a heart-work in you, then all the power to ya! Otherwise, it seems like more of a way to make-light of what Christ sacrificed for us...Just my tangent thoughts.)

ANYWAY! The devotional my close friend and I are doing together is called "The Hardest 30 Days of Your Life" by Justin Lookadoo. (no not "Lucado", "Lookadoo".). It is 100% geared for high school students, and is something we also did together several times in high school... Since then, it has simply been collecting dust. But we both needed a spiritual kick-in-the-pants, so we figured, "why not?" Sure there are lots of little bits in there that require re-framing in our minds to get the content out of a high school mind-set, but the morals, lessons and teachings are all rock-solid and somewhat humbling that we ought to have these down-pat by now since we've been taught them before... The devotional has daily challenges, such as re-commitment to Christ, acts of kindness, setting up an alter, giving something away, etc... You are expected to complete EVERY challenge no matter how difficult or crazy they may seem. That's the whole idea of getting something out of the devotional.

One of those challenges is a 21 day media fast (15 days of the study, but 21 days literally). During that fast, the devotional gets you to commit to various things such as a daily prayer journal, daily bible study, scripture memorization, spending time in nature, changing your attitude etc... and it is so very refreshing!  Media fasting is a life-necessity I took away from my very first time doing this study, and I do a media fast periodically to re-set myself.  Sometimes when I get off the media fast, things simply fade back into the way they were, and sometimes I realize permanent changes that must occur. This is one of the latter not the former kinds of fast-endings... There are changes that need to be made!

One of the challenges in the devotional is to spend a 1/2 day alone with God, and then to commit to scheduling these in every-so-often afterwards. My friend and I decided to check out "Women Refreshed At The Well", which is a spiritual retreat center for women, similar to what you can do at St. Benedict's but a little more homely and women-centered. Its just off Henderson highway around Lockport. We could only book our overnight for March 27-28'th which was the closest available weekend she had (about 2.5  weeks later than the devotional asked).  So for this reason, because media-fasting shuts off so many voices in my head so I can actually hear God clearly, I have chosen to continue my media fast until after this overnight has happened.

A lot of things happen when you cut out media... I really do think it is something everyone ought to do for at least a month, at least once in their life... (because once you do it once, you will do it again in the future).. Here are some of the things I got out of it this time.

• I realized how incapable I was of relaxing without the dependency of technology. I was reliant on media to distract me from my troubles, and calm my mind. It took me over 2 weeks to learn how to simply sit at a table with my thoughts, and be content, and learn how to just sit and think and wind myself down. I know this sounds basic, but I dare you to cut out media, you will soon learn that this is an EXTREMELY COMMON trouble we have...
• I realized how little of my thoughts I actually processed. Most of my stress came from not being able to process my problems and thoughts, because I was too busy de-stressing to tv or facebook to simply sit and think...
• my blood pressure went down... yup! And I have tested it. Sitting and just thinking (even worrisome thoughts), gives me lower blood pressure than sitting and even looking at happy photos on my phone. Screens alone raise my blood pressure. So now I turn them off!!
• I lost my phone... and it didnt matter. For like 2 full days, I was actually happier and more calm than ever because I wasnt accoutnable to a device, I had nothing to check on etc... So now I just turn on my cellphone volume and leave it by the other house phones. No need to have it with me during the day. 
• Facebook does nothing good for my life at all. All it does is prevent me from actually seeing people. Think about it... if you shut down your facebook account right now, how many phone numbers would you need to collect? how many MORE people would you actually go out for coffee with simply to catch up because you couldn't snoop their life with the click of a button? This is my next move... My plan is to dis-able my facebook account permanently and to live without it, and live with real people instead.
• I could hear God's voice. That's right... It took a while, and I have had very close communion with him before in my life. still, it took that two weeks for me to calm my mind, organize my thoughts, and be able to just sit and "be still before the lord" so he could talk. And that has been glorious all on it's own! God is so amazing and will speak so much healing into your life if you allow him the time and brain space to actually SPEAK!!
• I was sick the ENTIRE time (like couldn't breathe, bed-ridden for various parts of the month) , and yet my house was never in complete chaos... like... I wasnt embarassed to have people pop by! (no it wasn't spotless or "clean", but it was generally tidy, for real!). 
• my son was happy. Remember i was sick and low energy. Yet my 2 year old was somehow more content...
• My marriage is more stable. I am someone who really takes-in the media I see. So if I would watch a romantic movie, I would subconsciously feel as though my love-life was missing this aspect of a relationship... poor Curtis got the brunt of this. I am not saying our marriage is all sunny-side-up now, but I have far more clarity and confidence into what are true areas for growth and what is just the lies Satan is planting in my mind.

so as you may have caught, i was sick...THE ENTIRE TIME. I was actually sick for LONGER than the media fast, and I am still not totally better yet. I have been sick for over 5 weeks in a row with 4 different bugs, plus exacerbated asthma. I have been on prednisone, antibiotics, herbals, blood pressure monitoring, blood sugar re-testing, new asthma meds...on top of the regulars... and all while being pregnant... and all while having very little support from my husband who was also fighting sickness and works very hard day-in-day-out and simply didnt have the extra energy available... I was in one of my dark places for sure... My anxiety was very high, and I had to make a choice... this was my "Peter, do you love me?" moment from Jesus, after I totally denied Him during Josiah's induction/first year of life trials... This was both satan trying to stop me from growing, and God's miraculous ability to use that struggle as the fires of refinement for my soul. So I had to decide whether to say "God you are cursing me again!" or to run to him and fall at the feet of His holy and perfect will for my life, no matter what it meant. It took all the strength I had, and then the Spirit's strength in me to hold on during this time.  (I count it a blessing that my breaking point is so meager... the trials some people endure for the renewing of their souls are far greater than these, I fully admit. But for me, this was a rock-bottom moment). The power of anxiety and PTSD can turn a small situation into the largest crisis in one's mind though... and this is what happened for me.  Here I was, sick, elevated blood pressure, elevated blood sugar screening test, only 27 weeks pregnant... thinking about everything I endured with Josiah after 33 weeks... wondering if my poor baby would even survive these trials... but he too (this child inside of me), needed to be surrendered to God's will. Because whether God grants me the joy of parenting this child, or simply carrying it for a time inside of me and then giving him back to God, God's will is both sovereign and good. (I have been surrounded by several 2'ed and 3'rd trimester still-births/miscarriages... just another little anxiety on the pile).

So many refining moments took place... Satan was trying to break me down, and stop me from doing this devotional plan in the first place, because he knows the Holy Spirit works when we pursue Him... But instead, all the evil one did was push me closer, make me stronger in my faith, and make me realize how weak I am apart from Christ. He failed miserably, and now I can laugh in his face, while in the protection of my savior's arms.

Trials can come at us like a harsh sun...they can melt the ice on our hearts, or harden the clay surrounding them... It's up to us how we will let the trials of this world affect us. For me, I am choosing Christ. I choose him now, and if I fail miserably in the future, I will get up and choose Him yet again, with full confidence that He will have me back. Amen...

Anyway, long story short, I have no desire for media at all. My media fast will continue likely until after easter, and I'll make a few decisions at that point. I have already gotten rid of all my apps other than the necessary ones (and the 16 silly un-deletable APPLE apps that I have hidden two screens down!!)... I imagine at that time, the decision will include de-activating my facebook account all-together,  continuing to use my phone...as a phone only (maybe even getting a dumb-phone [non-smart-phone] to drive that home! Who knows!) I'll spend time in prayer about that one. But TV is something I do not want in my life anymore at all. I am sure there will be exceptions such as social gatherings, but again, all this will be decided post-easter. For now, I am continuing in the joyful lack-of-media that has allowed me so much clarity of mind, loss of stress, and gaining of God's gracious and un-deserved presence in my life.

If you need to get a hold of me, do it for REAL!!  My phone number is 2 0 4 - 6 1 2 - 2 2 5 0 (call or text) or even an email  k r y s t a h a r d e r @ g m a i l . c o m . Lets actually SEE each other in person! I'd love to tell you what we are up to, and hear whats up in your life! But I don't need media, facebook, or a smartphone to do that. I refuse to let my mind be enslaved by these things anymore. And I refuse to invest in friendships where I am not actually worth someone's physical time. I want to be a real friend who invests energy, emotion, prayer and joy into your life, and I would love the same in return. All else, I count as loss.