I am pregnant, suffering from insomnia, and I have been sick for over 8-9 weeks. I have had 5 or 6 different illnesses, combined with terrible spring allergies this year, and asthma that has been well exacerbated. I have been out-of-commission since right around when lent started... I was sick the entire time I did the 30 hardest days, sick after that and still don't see an end in sight. I have been praying sincerely, pursuing God intently, having faith in his grace, etc... I have been doing this, and believing in him for deliverance from this stuff... For 8-9 weeks... And I have only been getting worse. I have been to the hospital for my asthma, been on prednisone, re-bruised my ribs from coughing TWICE in that time, and the last few days, finally given up... I have asked for so much prayer, in my weakness I know others have been lifting me up too... And here's the thing...
God's grace has been covering me...
April 16'th I felt a lump in my throat like the beginnings of another virus, and so I had this to say to God (among other things)...
"Can we stop these games!? is prayer as useless as it feels right now... What have my prayers accomplished other than to make me feel like an idiot for having believed you... Or in you even at times... Tell me where I am out of line here. SEARCH ME!! Other than this anger I now have...my thoughts are not out of line and you know it. HERE I AM! COMING TO YOU! SO WHERE ARE YOU!? Where is this glory I read and hear about!??cause I have faith! But you aren't here so I am calling you out on this. HEAL ME!! For your glory! Come on already!"
April 17'th after even less sleep and even more coughing...
"God, I'm anxious. And I don't want words from you cause I'll just stress about their validity. But if you are still on my side, then please be with me at this appointment God [my OBGYN appointment]... And keep my coughing and Bp passable for the next 2 weeks. Lower my stress, raise my coping skills...I want to love you, but in your own words, actions speak louder than words, so I need some action from you... Amen."
Well, first blessing was that I DID pass my appointment and I did cough less during it and seemed to cope alright considering how little sleep I got.
The bitter part was I was coughing way more when I got home... Like... WAY more! I almost went to the hospital again, but Curtis really stepped up and managed to help me control my asthma enough to not go in. Still, I didn't go to sleep till 2:00 AM when I took 1/4 of a gravol and slept till 3, then 3-6, followed by dozey coughing from 6-8:45... (This is actually half-decent sleep for me these days since my Asthma constantly wakes me up in my sleep every half-1 hour).
I didn't even pray this morning... I had nothing further to say. Faith requires action by God's own words, so I was waiting for more action...
Oh I got action alright... Today Curtis was a hero and dusted our main and upper floors, sending me to his parents place to wait out the dust storm with Josiah. He worked very hard, vaccumed and washed things, etc... When I returned, there was still some dust in the air,but I decided to take another 1/4 gravol and try to nap at the same time as Josiah.
Propping myself up with 7-8 towels, and my pillow, I was relaxing myself by having a coughing fit when I heard a "pop" and knew instantly that my already-bruised rib had popped out of place... Leaving me totally immobile, and in excruciating pain every time I needed to cough or blow my nose (two things that are impossible NOT to do right now). My spirit thought "go figure. I can't think any less of God anyway right now..." So I didn't even attempt to pray about it... I just started looking for chiropractors who are open Saturday's... They were all closed or closing within the next 20 minutes and couldn't take me...
Side note: I dealt with this last pregnancy, and the hospital is 100% useless with this problem... I have to go to obstetrics not regular emergency, and they don't have a clue what to do but give me pain killers... It's so uncomfortable and deflating... But this word have been my next step since the pain is NOT tolerable.
I made one last call to a chiropractor office that didn't have hours on the webpage... This is where things began to change...
The chiropractor answered his personal cell and apologized that he couldn't help me, as he was very busy with previous engagements, but then he paused and asked me who my chiropractor was, and I told him "Dr Nachtigal".... "Actually, He's at my house right now, just a sec!... Yup! He'll meet you at his office in 20 minutes!"
...for real...random chiropractor Dr "Z__" was a friend of my chiropractor and actually used to share a practice with him. My chiro was on his way home from an intense workout and decided to pop by his buddie's for a quick adjustment. Then he was going to do some paperwork at the office for a while anyway. I happen to call the other chiropractor's office line (which he has forwarded to his personal cell so he can help out patients from medi-vans coming from up north on weekends)...
All of this was simply a "what a releif" to me, until after my adjustment when my chiropractor (whom I had forgotten was a Christian) said "you cannot deny that this was an act of God..."
Then it hit me... God orchestrated this to show me he is present and with me and sees my needs! And WITH GRACE becuse (incase you didn't see it yoursel) my prayers were totally out of line. No more righteous than Job's...
But God, with grace, loved me. Forgave me for ignoring him and showed me with Un-deserved and un-merited grace, his faith through actions, and spoke to me through a chiropractor when I was still too calloused to see it!
Today's prayer...
"God, I stand corrected. I am still weary and suffering and in pain and I still don't understand why, but I do understand that you have my whole world in your hands. I repent of my attitude....etc..."
We serve a great God and I hope you can give him Glory too, for what he did in me today. I am still miserable and in a great deal of pain... But I know that God has it in his hands...
