I was in a three day work shop on Aboriginal Awareness, put on by Metis CFS. It is required for working there, and definitely worth taking. What a journey it was spiritually.
The first day, me and two other girls were late, so the sharing circle had started without us. So when we got there, they got us to smudge before entering the circle. Of course, being late, I was not about to ask about the significance of smudging, so I just did it. And you know what? It wasn't all that bad. I mean, how many cleansing rituals do we have as christians? the "opening prayer", the worship songs asking for forgiveness and cleansing, the songs of "entering into worship" etc... There's no real difference. It's an Aboriginal way of cleansing yourself. Asking the creator to cleanse your mind, your eyes what you see, your ears what you hear and praying that your heart will be sincere and you will speak truth. Sometimes women gesture the smoke also to their womb if they are on their "time" as a sign of cleansing as well...
I guess I see it like the early christians who still celebrated pass over. It's not sinful to practice these things, especially if you can connect with your Creator, your God through those things. It is simply that they are not your means of salvation. Smudging and sweat lodges will not get you to heaven, but if you have a relationship with your God, they can bring you closer to Him and His creation.
Noah had 3 sons. One of them stayed with noah and became the Jewish, middle-eastern nations. One went north and became the european nations. one ventured across the oceans and found land. He became the indigenous nations. So really, do you think we serve the same God? Because in Noah's time, that God was pretty new. There weren't really any rituals or Jewish traditions yet. So The God and Creator that Aboriginal people worship, to me, is the same one and only God, with a different centuries filled twist. They may not have been God's "chosen people", but neither were the greeks or the romans or the english or irish.
In all honesty, I think that all Native people needed in the first place was a "hey! Did you hear the good news? Jesus, God's son died for us, and we can be intimately close with the creator!"...then, if we left them with that and let them worship in their own way, it would be pretty awesome to see I think.
Apparently the last residential school closed in 89...bet you didn't know that. it's more recent than my birth date. "Geeze! Get over it already!" we say... "get over your years and years of daily rape and physical abuse!" we say "get over the cultural gennocide and take our money" we say. Hm... Sounds fair...coming from someone mennonite, (whose people are STILL living in colonies from their oppression) or from someone irish (who may STILL have a tendancy to get angry), or someone Jewish (who may still be very defensive and upset over their history) or someone Black (who may still get aggressively upset over passive racism)...
The greatest earthly example of God's grace today, is Aboriginal people. When I, a blond haired blue eyed ancestor of a residential school teacher can sit in a room full of metis people, be welcomed to smudge with them, pray with them, hear their stories, recieve their smiling friendship and acceptance, be given a gift and hear their forgiveness for what they have suffered... it is overwhelming. There were deffinately tears at this workshop on all sides.
But when an elder who has experienced horror at the hands of my race, and maybe even my own grandmother, can hug me, look me in the eyes and say "you have a beautiful spirit"...that is grace. That is real and trrue grace.
I think God has blessed me with the gift of worship. I say this because I can worship by looking at a piece of moss. By listening to music. By being sick, by being well. I can worship through my rebellion or faithfulness. I can worhsip in my failures and successes... I don't completely understand it. But these last three days, I have begun to realize that our God is not limited to european worship.
Worship is a smudge. Worship is a sun dance. Buffalo heart, tree, skin ripping and all. That is true worship of the Creator. OUR Creator.... I don't care what the old white missionaries said on Mission X 2, Creator and God are one and the same. Take it or leave it. God will still love you if you leave it, and Creator will still love you if you leave it...Because they are the same....Jesus has no substitute. God has no substitute. But God has many names. One of those names is Creator.
From what I have seen, Native people may have some random spirituality about the afterlife that's a little off, but they don't actually worship nature itself. They always worship the Creator, for giving the Nature... and they greatly respect nature...again there is more spirituality involved in that nature...such as spirit guides...but is that really so bizzare? If my spirit guide is the Bear or the wolfe, or a guardian angel...those are all just as strange. God created Bears and Wolves. and if the animal's characteristics are characteristic of me, then perhaps it is a good analogy. A good comparison and image to respect. But a guardian angel is just as foolish a thought as a spirit guide.
Also, Native prayers really just sound like Tongues to me... I'm curious if my tongues are a native language, cause that would be really cool! :P just a random blurb...
Anyway, it was a lot to think about. Today, the last day, they gave us each a gift, and that is a rock. The rock is to symbolize our spirit guides. They said to hold on to the rock and at some point, you will see the image of an animal in that rock. When you see that image, you will know that that is your spirit guide. My rock looks like it has a dog on it. So I'm not entirely sure what that means, but it seems to line up alot with grace, worhsip, faithfulness, obedience, strength, endurance, bravery, protection, submission... all noble qualities. So I'll take it. I did not feel a spiritual urgency to throw away the rock, infact, I felt God encouraging me to keep it. It was so strange to me to hear God say that.... and to not hear him say "Don't smudge!!"...So I smudged. I did it all three days, and I would do it again. I would also go to a teaching Sweat Lodge (not a healing one at this point)...
I guess what I'm beginning to see is that worship is so much bigger than us, and it encompasses so many things. I can also worship God in yoga...worshipping him for the breath in me, the movements of my body, the muscles and how much they can take... I can worhsip him for these things. I am edifying my body, relaxing it, being in tune with the gift of a body that God gave me...what is wrong with that? I sure don't feel the need to stay for meditation at the end. A walk afterwards is good enough for me...
I would love to learn some aboriginal songs, dance and drumming. I'd be the whitest native :P and I don['t think everyone at the pow wows is emotionally ready for white dancers yet. I respect that, but when they are ready, i'll be there, front and center! And until then, I surrender to God and say "here I am, I don't understand. I want to follow you, I want to marry your son Christ. He is my love... I don't know what worhsip looks like for You, but I know you want to show me. So I will obey and follow you on this journey." I know God will protect me. I am honoring Him. I cannot be cursed or possessed by honoring and persuing Him. Any demon that dares to try and overtake me, will be sorry for the day he ever tried to take God's daughter from Him.
Thanks. Meegiwich (Ojibiway for "thank you", or "finished" or "Amen")
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Nothing like reading case files...
Second day on the job, got my case files! Oh boy... nothing like a day of reading about pedophilia with an 8 year old girl and a 40 year old step-father (ages obviously generalized for confidentiality)... and other stories of beatings... Geez i thought I was ready to read it, but you're never ready for the explicit details as stated by a child. I can see the importance of self-care in this business! I haven't talked to any clients and I already feel like I can see the vicarious trauma creeping towards my future. Oh well! Guess that's my pill to swallow!
I found myself driving around for my lunch hour listening to chvn thinking... God...how can you love and forgive a man like that... a man who rapes a little girl 2-3 times a week, who beats his son and chokes him until blood is coming out of his mouth...who ties a noose around his son's head... how can you love someone like that? Someone who NORMALIZES rape to a little girl...Just rape, then go back to Xbox... no big deal...
And then I am reminded of his grace for me... and as I see things through his eyes, I just see another confused and lost soul. I see a man with a detailed, layered culture and generations of abuse (and no, this isn't an Aboriginal rant...). So much fear and uncertainty in the family. Repetitions of old patterns...
What has happened to make a 13 year old boy sexually harass his 11 year old sister (ages generalized once again)? What has that boy been through? How can that girl ever learn to trust? What goes through a mother's head when she decides not to intervene, or to ignore her son's blue and yellow leg? his bloodshot eyes and purple arm? What goes through a mother's head as she choses to deny her daughter's allegations of sexual abuse?
I think these things as i hear my lovely professor chanting in my head "Inherent dignity and worth!" and I am ashamed of how judgmental I become. I still have to work with these people, and I need to give them the dignity and worth they deserve as human beings. I have to give them the respect the don't deserve (in my opinion).
It's a tricky place to be in... your co-workers are there to support you, but they are all jaded and just think it's funny that you worry, or are over-whelmed...but they would also be concerned if you presented with NO emotions about the cases. So I guess I need to strike some kind of a balance. I need to figure out my own self-care. How do i get it all out? Obviously this is as detailed as I can get on a blog, so this can't be my method of self-care. And it's not like i'm so overwhelmed that I can't stand the thought of going to work tomorrow (Mid $20's an hour is a pretty good reason to go to work tomorrow!). But I don't want to become a jaded worker.
The reason I decided to go into social work, was a grade 3 girl that had been in 5 foster homes in one year....I decided I would be a good social worker. I was going to make a difference. Now I'm here, and I don't want to lose my passion to "giving up" or jadedness or "the system"... (of course if i am too passionate, My supervisor will assign me all the new cases...then i'm over-worked and I don't want that either!).
Right now i've got 10 cases (which is pretty awesome compared to the average 30, which is 5 above the recommended maximum caseload). I'm sure that will quickly change, but for now, I think it will be managable.
Did i mention taht I was told in the phone call i would be shadowing for 2 weeks before getting a case-load? And that I will meet briefly with the social worker 1 day, before having my caseload? and my supervisor will also be on holidays next week when I start with my clients!? No no... no stress at all over here! (sarcasm)
Apparently that's one of the easier introductions to the system amongst the people in my unit.
I found myself driving around for my lunch hour listening to chvn thinking... God...how can you love and forgive a man like that... a man who rapes a little girl 2-3 times a week, who beats his son and chokes him until blood is coming out of his mouth...who ties a noose around his son's head... how can you love someone like that? Someone who NORMALIZES rape to a little girl...Just rape, then go back to Xbox... no big deal...
And then I am reminded of his grace for me... and as I see things through his eyes, I just see another confused and lost soul. I see a man with a detailed, layered culture and generations of abuse (and no, this isn't an Aboriginal rant...). So much fear and uncertainty in the family. Repetitions of old patterns...
What has happened to make a 13 year old boy sexually harass his 11 year old sister (ages generalized once again)? What has that boy been through? How can that girl ever learn to trust? What goes through a mother's head when she decides not to intervene, or to ignore her son's blue and yellow leg? his bloodshot eyes and purple arm? What goes through a mother's head as she choses to deny her daughter's allegations of sexual abuse?
I think these things as i hear my lovely professor chanting in my head "Inherent dignity and worth!" and I am ashamed of how judgmental I become. I still have to work with these people, and I need to give them the dignity and worth they deserve as human beings. I have to give them the respect the don't deserve (in my opinion).
It's a tricky place to be in... your co-workers are there to support you, but they are all jaded and just think it's funny that you worry, or are over-whelmed...but they would also be concerned if you presented with NO emotions about the cases. So I guess I need to strike some kind of a balance. I need to figure out my own self-care. How do i get it all out? Obviously this is as detailed as I can get on a blog, so this can't be my method of self-care. And it's not like i'm so overwhelmed that I can't stand the thought of going to work tomorrow (Mid $20's an hour is a pretty good reason to go to work tomorrow!). But I don't want to become a jaded worker.
The reason I decided to go into social work, was a grade 3 girl that had been in 5 foster homes in one year....I decided I would be a good social worker. I was going to make a difference. Now I'm here, and I don't want to lose my passion to "giving up" or jadedness or "the system"... (of course if i am too passionate, My supervisor will assign me all the new cases...then i'm over-worked and I don't want that either!).
Right now i've got 10 cases (which is pretty awesome compared to the average 30, which is 5 above the recommended maximum caseload). I'm sure that will quickly change, but for now, I think it will be managable.
Did i mention taht I was told in the phone call i would be shadowing for 2 weeks before getting a case-load? And that I will meet briefly with the social worker 1 day, before having my caseload? and my supervisor will also be on holidays next week when I start with my clients!? No no... no stress at all over here! (sarcasm)
Apparently that's one of the easier introductions to the system amongst the people in my unit.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Isaiah 30:10-15
"They say to the seers, "See no more visions!" and to the prophets, "Give us no more visions of what is right! Tell us pleasant things, prophesy illusions, Leave this way, get off this path, and stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!"
Therfore this is what the Holy One of Israel says:
"Because you have rejected this message, relied on oppression and depended on deceit, this sin will become for you like a high wall, cracked and bulging,that collapses suddenly, in an instant. It will break in pieces like pottery, shattered so mercilessly that among its pieces not a fragment will be found for taking coals from a hearth or scooping water out of a cistern,"
This is Isaiah talking to the israelites about how they choose to listen to the false prophets instead of the real ones who are coming with less-than-pleasant news... I can't help being convicted by these words because the church (including me) seems to be crying out to the people with bad news "stop it! Just look at the theology that can break down your Holy words from God!" we don't counter with false prophets anymore, we counter prophecy with theology now...
I walk into the church saying listen, I know from SEVERAL unrelated sources that have prophetic tendancies that the end of the world will be coming very soon... and the church just responds "well we can't know the day or the hour"...But I say "well the hour is drawing near!" and they say "well thats what paul said too"...
So I say...frick! He wasn't crying wolf and I'm not either!! I think it's time to start listening to some of the Rapture freaks! Not the ones that are saying May 21'st of this year...that's just stupid to pick a date. Do you really think you've out-smarted God?! ("oh shoot! Those people figured out my plan! I guess I shouldn't show my math work in the bible next time...")
Here's my spiritual timeline in the past couple years (and when I say "my" i am referring to me, Kayla and the bible study group as well as other un-related individuals)
- 2009 God calls me through Kayla and Jason (mike's friend) to do something deeper with my faith. Kayla joined a bible study group and started prophesying and stuff.
- I join the group...People are being saved from crap... more than 3 people prophesy and confirm each other's words that God is raiding the enemy camp and making an army for himself
- 2010...in this bible study, it is prophesyed (again, never by just one person or all at the same meeting) That it is harvest time. Harvest is messy. there needs to be a cleansing with fire which is painful. Cleansing of our souls, preparation for the battle
- Late 2010 I stop going to bible study, cause I've started speaking in tongues and prophesying and i'm scared of my own potential.
- 2011 I begin hearing from God that it's urgent I return to Him. Then Kayla confirms it with her own prophetic words (relating back to the 20 Bridesmaids, 10 with extra oil and 10 without...it's time to just follow, and no turning back to wait for someone to follow. Just follow your God).
Then there is all this end of the world stuff going around, all the natural disasters, all the world peace crap, and waaay too many un-related parties having deep spiritual convictions about end times right now...And If someone says this is all just worry, well then...you are telling me that the personal God I know is simply my own emotions and any connection I have had is not real with him...Because He is who I have recieved my convictions about this from...
So at this point I don't really know what to do with all of this...cause every generation, people think the end of the world is going to come. But I am confident in my faith, and convictions. Maybe I will see the end, maybe I wont...but I know I should be ready, Just as God is convicting me. In either case, I will have to stand before the throne and give an account. I am not ready to give that account yet, so i better pick up the slack...
Therfore this is what the Holy One of Israel says:
"Because you have rejected this message, relied on oppression and depended on deceit, this sin will become for you like a high wall, cracked and bulging,that collapses suddenly, in an instant. It will break in pieces like pottery, shattered so mercilessly that among its pieces not a fragment will be found for taking coals from a hearth or scooping water out of a cistern,"
This is Isaiah talking to the israelites about how they choose to listen to the false prophets instead of the real ones who are coming with less-than-pleasant news... I can't help being convicted by these words because the church (including me) seems to be crying out to the people with bad news "stop it! Just look at the theology that can break down your Holy words from God!" we don't counter with false prophets anymore, we counter prophecy with theology now...
I walk into the church saying listen, I know from SEVERAL unrelated sources that have prophetic tendancies that the end of the world will be coming very soon... and the church just responds "well we can't know the day or the hour"...But I say "well the hour is drawing near!" and they say "well thats what paul said too"...
So I say...frick! He wasn't crying wolf and I'm not either!! I think it's time to start listening to some of the Rapture freaks! Not the ones that are saying May 21'st of this year...that's just stupid to pick a date. Do you really think you've out-smarted God?! ("oh shoot! Those people figured out my plan! I guess I shouldn't show my math work in the bible next time...")
Here's my spiritual timeline in the past couple years (and when I say "my" i am referring to me, Kayla and the bible study group as well as other un-related individuals)
- 2009 God calls me through Kayla and Jason (mike's friend) to do something deeper with my faith. Kayla joined a bible study group and started prophesying and stuff.
- I join the group...People are being saved from crap... more than 3 people prophesy and confirm each other's words that God is raiding the enemy camp and making an army for himself
- 2010...in this bible study, it is prophesyed (again, never by just one person or all at the same meeting) That it is harvest time. Harvest is messy. there needs to be a cleansing with fire which is painful. Cleansing of our souls, preparation for the battle
- Late 2010 I stop going to bible study, cause I've started speaking in tongues and prophesying and i'm scared of my own potential.
- 2011 I begin hearing from God that it's urgent I return to Him. Then Kayla confirms it with her own prophetic words (relating back to the 20 Bridesmaids, 10 with extra oil and 10 without...it's time to just follow, and no turning back to wait for someone to follow. Just follow your God).
Then there is all this end of the world stuff going around, all the natural disasters, all the world peace crap, and waaay too many un-related parties having deep spiritual convictions about end times right now...And If someone says this is all just worry, well then...you are telling me that the personal God I know is simply my own emotions and any connection I have had is not real with him...Because He is who I have recieved my convictions about this from...
So at this point I don't really know what to do with all of this...cause every generation, people think the end of the world is going to come. But I am confident in my faith, and convictions. Maybe I will see the end, maybe I wont...but I know I should be ready, Just as God is convicting me. In either case, I will have to stand before the throne and give an account. I am not ready to give that account yet, so i better pick up the slack...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
My passion and calling
I know the 5 of you who follow my blog already know what my passion is...First Nations social work. But let me expand on how God continues to nurture this passion...
Today I was riding the bus to the gym downtown, and ran into a family friend. He is an Ojibiway man from the Bear clan who has been through alot in his life, risen above it all through the power of christ, married a wonderful woman and has like...5 or 6 kids with her! Awesome right? He's not an elder or anything, but he's my elder...
Well, when I saw him on the bus, he'd lost about 50-75 lbs, was on crack or pot or something and had his arm slung around another woman. you wouldn't recognize him from a homeless aboriginal man. He said he's leaving his wife, and him and this other woman are getting married and already are working on a baby...
He has a big "colonialism" stamp on his forehead...with neon lights and everything. It hurt me so much to see him this way. Anyone who had met him would know his heart for God and his family. The way he would talk about his wife with such sincerity "I love her so much! She is the most beautiful woman in the world!" (after the 3'rd kid)... After a knee injury and A.D.H.D out of control and mis-diagnosed, he has turned back to his old ways. The problem is not Mark (that's a code name) and the problem is not Hildy (his wife's code name). The problem is history... He tried for years to get a job. But people take one look at a full blooded native man with a knee injury and say "take a hike"...then you add in the A.D.H.D and you come up with an impossible situation. The world rejects him, gives him no identity. The world doesn't see the strength this man had to rise from drug addiction, and drug addict parents. He rose from prison life, homelessness, gang involvement... he rose above it. he was working with his reserve to create a better place... He was on his way to becoming an elder for sure! He got married to a beautiful woman and had 5 or 6 kids (it's funny to see these little Metis children running around speaking Low German). He had a beautiful life built on his strength and the strength of God.
And the world just see's a native man with A.D.H.D and a knee injury.. and now a drug addition and an affair... People don't see a man when they look at him, they see a race. they see a steriotype... How can we expect these people to rise above their issues when Colonialism is so stinking alive?!?
I know if i was running an agency and a tall large aboriginal male with scars and long hair, and who smelled a bit came to my door and said "eh. Can i ged'a job?" my initial reaction would be "no" for sure! How is that not racist? how is that any different than colonialism? We treat any other race with dignity, worth and individuality, but somehow society just can't fathom that the intoxicated aboriginal person has a true worth and identity...that they have something to offer society...
I know this all sounds racist...but If I sometimes think like this and i've been trained and educated in the matter, I KNOW we've all thought it and think it periodically.
The fact is, colonialism isn't over. It is still alive and functioning at a high level in our society.... We see one aboriginal lawyer or doctor or politician and think "well no one else has any excuse then!!" well no, that one person has exceptional strength!! And we owe it to the dude you just walked past on the street corner, that we are even alive and living in Canada.
My youth who was suicidal last week went AWOL (Absent with out L___???) haha don't know all what it stands for... But I look at that... I see her mom, text-harassing her, telling her that she's betraying the family by not living with them (when CFS took her away)... I see just as much colonialism there. Sure, there was good reason to apprehend, but no one told her what was going on. No one told the mom what was happening... She knows the crap her mom does, but no one told her why she was taken away... Isn't that wrong? she's old enough to get it! a kid older than 11 has a brain developed enough to reason like an adult when needed. (that's a stat from a youth retreat sometime in my past)...
So many mixed emotions, especially around Mark and Hildy... It only makes my passion stronger to see this population rise above the crap they are in...the more crap i see the stronger First Nations people seem to me. They have endured so much, and are still so unified, still retaining language and culture, still peacefully living with us, learning from us, teaching us... wow... What a blessing I don't deserve, to be able to learn from these people...
Today I was riding the bus to the gym downtown, and ran into a family friend. He is an Ojibiway man from the Bear clan who has been through alot in his life, risen above it all through the power of christ, married a wonderful woman and has like...5 or 6 kids with her! Awesome right? He's not an elder or anything, but he's my elder...
Well, when I saw him on the bus, he'd lost about 50-75 lbs, was on crack or pot or something and had his arm slung around another woman. you wouldn't recognize him from a homeless aboriginal man. He said he's leaving his wife, and him and this other woman are getting married and already are working on a baby...
He has a big "colonialism" stamp on his forehead...with neon lights and everything. It hurt me so much to see him this way. Anyone who had met him would know his heart for God and his family. The way he would talk about his wife with such sincerity "I love her so much! She is the most beautiful woman in the world!" (after the 3'rd kid)... After a knee injury and A.D.H.D out of control and mis-diagnosed, he has turned back to his old ways. The problem is not Mark (that's a code name) and the problem is not Hildy (his wife's code name). The problem is history... He tried for years to get a job. But people take one look at a full blooded native man with a knee injury and say "take a hike"...then you add in the A.D.H.D and you come up with an impossible situation. The world rejects him, gives him no identity. The world doesn't see the strength this man had to rise from drug addiction, and drug addict parents. He rose from prison life, homelessness, gang involvement... he rose above it. he was working with his reserve to create a better place... He was on his way to becoming an elder for sure! He got married to a beautiful woman and had 5 or 6 kids (it's funny to see these little Metis children running around speaking Low German). He had a beautiful life built on his strength and the strength of God.
And the world just see's a native man with A.D.H.D and a knee injury.. and now a drug addition and an affair... People don't see a man when they look at him, they see a race. they see a steriotype... How can we expect these people to rise above their issues when Colonialism is so stinking alive?!?
I know if i was running an agency and a tall large aboriginal male with scars and long hair, and who smelled a bit came to my door and said "eh. Can i ged'a job?" my initial reaction would be "no" for sure! How is that not racist? how is that any different than colonialism? We treat any other race with dignity, worth and individuality, but somehow society just can't fathom that the intoxicated aboriginal person has a true worth and identity...that they have something to offer society...
I know this all sounds racist...but If I sometimes think like this and i've been trained and educated in the matter, I KNOW we've all thought it and think it periodically.
The fact is, colonialism isn't over. It is still alive and functioning at a high level in our society.... We see one aboriginal lawyer or doctor or politician and think "well no one else has any excuse then!!" well no, that one person has exceptional strength!! And we owe it to the dude you just walked past on the street corner, that we are even alive and living in Canada.
My youth who was suicidal last week went AWOL (Absent with out L___???) haha don't know all what it stands for... But I look at that... I see her mom, text-harassing her, telling her that she's betraying the family by not living with them (when CFS took her away)... I see just as much colonialism there. Sure, there was good reason to apprehend, but no one told her what was going on. No one told the mom what was happening... She knows the crap her mom does, but no one told her why she was taken away... Isn't that wrong? she's old enough to get it! a kid older than 11 has a brain developed enough to reason like an adult when needed. (that's a stat from a youth retreat sometime in my past)...
So many mixed emotions, especially around Mark and Hildy... It only makes my passion stronger to see this population rise above the crap they are in...the more crap i see the stronger First Nations people seem to me. They have endured so much, and are still so unified, still retaining language and culture, still peacefully living with us, learning from us, teaching us... wow... What a blessing I don't deserve, to be able to learn from these people...
Sunday, April 24, 2011
how much can I write in 5 minutes
Happy easter everyone! I'm sitting here with Nix in my hair yet again! ...This is round three with the pest-killing stuff. these lice must be the tolerant kind... its scary to think that Lice have built up an immunity to permethrin! That's scary stuff... Watch...it'll kill me before the lice...
Anyway, i've been sick AGAIN...so it's turning out to be a great year. Sick over christmas and Easter. Now I just have to wait for thanks giving and maybe it'll be a 3 for 3 kind of year... Ya, i'm pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired... But At least this time, I can go outside and enjoy some sunshine. I'm also pushing myself to keep working. Maybe i'll get better faster this way.
anyway, I really didn't have anything imortant to write. Just had to waste 5 minutes...so... Have a good one!
Anyway, i've been sick AGAIN...so it's turning out to be a great year. Sick over christmas and Easter. Now I just have to wait for thanks giving and maybe it'll be a 3 for 3 kind of year... Ya, i'm pretty sick and tired of being sick and tired... But At least this time, I can go outside and enjoy some sunshine. I'm also pushing myself to keep working. Maybe i'll get better faster this way.
anyway, I really didn't have anything imortant to write. Just had to waste 5 minutes...so... Have a good one!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
CRAFTING AND GETTING PAID!!
So I'd like to just say that i'm pretty sure i'm in the honeymoon phase of this job... cause it's like... Hey! I get to work out and get paid for it! (like...actually go to the Y for free without a membership and get paid 16.55 an hour to do so....) or Go to the Metis CFS office and make traditional crafts every thursday night, for 16.55/Hour! And I get to hang out with just ONE kid at a time, as opposed to camp, where you have 8... and you get 125 a week....woo...
And if one of my campers goes to camp, I might get to supervise her there! So she'll be making 125, and i'll be making 16.55 an hour lol... This whole working thing is pretty awesome.
It has it's ups and downs though...The other night, my 12 year old wanted to commit suicide...so that was pretty stressfull. and I know that once I am working alot with these girls, that the relationships will go deeper, and trials will come, or i'll get bored or who knows what...but for now, I'm in the honeymoon phase and loving it!
I've met 3/4 of my girls, and I"m starting to see that i'll basically have no social life anymore while I do this job...Which is fine, cause I only committed to a year of doing this. So at least there is an end in sight for when I get really sick of working evenings and never seeing my husband... Also summer time is going to be awesome because I can work days when my client's are out of school! :)
In other news, I am now kept awake by fears of head lice, scabies and bed bugs...yay inner city youth! But my supervisor had an awesome idea, to cover my passenger seat with a blanket and then wrap up the blanket when I am done with my client, so anything living, will suffocate overnight. I'm gonna have to try that.
Gotta say, already had lice! Guess that means I'm a good worker with my kids. We bought the multi-pack of nix cause I have a feeling it wont be the only time I get them bugs... I should probably get some raid for my clothes too... I'm deffinately gonna die of cancer haha!
It's a wierd place to be....working in one social class and living in another... don't kid yourself, their's classes...
--And Alyssa if you're feeding jadyn thinking "crap. she's coming to my place" don't worry, i already Nix'ed myself and lice check daily. no signs right now!
But see what I mean? even that worry that I carry about what people in MY social class with think about this little piece of lower class that sticks to me... it's just a bit crazy... anyway, I'm baking buns and this was my "pass the time" ...buns are done! And so is this entry!
And if one of my campers goes to camp, I might get to supervise her there! So she'll be making 125, and i'll be making 16.55 an hour lol... This whole working thing is pretty awesome.
It has it's ups and downs though...The other night, my 12 year old wanted to commit suicide...so that was pretty stressfull. and I know that once I am working alot with these girls, that the relationships will go deeper, and trials will come, or i'll get bored or who knows what...but for now, I'm in the honeymoon phase and loving it!
I've met 3/4 of my girls, and I"m starting to see that i'll basically have no social life anymore while I do this job...Which is fine, cause I only committed to a year of doing this. So at least there is an end in sight for when I get really sick of working evenings and never seeing my husband... Also summer time is going to be awesome because I can work days when my client's are out of school! :)
In other news, I am now kept awake by fears of head lice, scabies and bed bugs...yay inner city youth! But my supervisor had an awesome idea, to cover my passenger seat with a blanket and then wrap up the blanket when I am done with my client, so anything living, will suffocate overnight. I'm gonna have to try that.
Gotta say, already had lice! Guess that means I'm a good worker with my kids. We bought the multi-pack of nix cause I have a feeling it wont be the only time I get them bugs... I should probably get some raid for my clothes too... I'm deffinately gonna die of cancer haha!
It's a wierd place to be....working in one social class and living in another... don't kid yourself, their's classes...
- There's lowest class (homeless fried on hairspray class)
- There's low class (they speak differently "eh! You don godda go'n'do dat duya?!" (or the "native" accent)
- There's middle class (all us poor newly weds, who actually have a home, and the families who live on low income but can afford the neccessities of life
- There's upper middle class (people who have made a living for a while, and live a modest but extremely comfortable life style
- and there's upper class (just drive down pritchard farm road or another fancy development and you'll know what I mean) They have other language too, like all their edu-ma-kated jargon and political talk.
--And Alyssa if you're feeding jadyn thinking "crap. she's coming to my place" don't worry, i already Nix'ed myself and lice check daily. no signs right now!
But see what I mean? even that worry that I carry about what people in MY social class with think about this little piece of lower class that sticks to me... it's just a bit crazy... anyway, I'm baking buns and this was my "pass the time" ...buns are done! And so is this entry!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Native Pride
It was interesting listening to some of my Girl's favorite songs. She likes one on Youtube called "What's really Rez" and Rez stands for the Reserves. It's funny because it's like the Native version of how Mennonites make fun of themselves. It's not funny if I were to make the jokes about Native people or for them to make jokes about White people...But as a menno, I can understand why a Native person would find a song like that really funny. Some of the stuff, I got just from being up there, like "when you make a sandwich outta moose meat" or "
when you give directions with your lips"
I've been having a wierd day... Watching how my beautiful young ladies are affected by there history, and how Native people have been oppressed...working first hand with youth who adore their parents but hate them at the same time... seeing siblings who band together, brothers who look after sisters, and sisters who look after brothers... We are all going to be surprised by the success of the next generation I think...
I just spent some time watching the opening ceremonies from the olypics again...gets me every time! I can't help but cry when I watch how canada got the First Nations to welcome people to the olympics...
And yet it's a bitter sweet...Because as I watch a Pow wow, I am slightly uncomfortable, but overwhelmingly over-joyed at the same time... it's as if I want these people to have their land back... but at the same time, I feel so inferior! I know people say "Native people are strong"...but dang it they are frigging strong!!
My 12 year old, who has been through hell and back, chooses to have her own identity. She helps the homeless, and tries to get hi-fives in the mall because she has a need for acceptance. but you know what? With all of her friend's committing suicide and going to a school where the "lock ups" go, she keeps her own! She doesn't let herself get knocked around.
My 17 year old who is more street wise than I will ever be, has been called a "fucking squaw" by a police officer. She's been in and out of lock up, on perole...but she WILL NOT let a boy touch her! She has so much pride in who she is. She knows that "they're all the same" is a lie...and didn't believe it when the cop told it to her. In fact, she knows her totem, her colors and is a shawl dancer. She knows who she is, and has her identity. Despite everything she's been through, she has such a balanced outlook on life...towards cops, towards her abusive father, towards me, and cfs... towards her foster parents, her teachers.... She is still a teenager, but with such incredible wisdom for someone who has lived on the streets and so much more... I'd love to brag about her more, but you know the whole confidentiality thing...
Strength doesn't even begin to describe these people... what did the menno's do? they decided not to fight and are still stingy people that can't seem to get out of a rut....what about the irish? they're still ANGRY! and the Germans? well! They think the word "hitler" is a swear word... and how many centuries have we all had to get over our issues... here we are, getting all on the native people's case about saping the system...when our ancestors tried to commit cultural gennocide! Wow! Here they are! Remembering their language! Living at peace with us! Dancing! Singing! Remembering! Here they are, getting over their JUSTIFIABLE grudges, and making peace with the rest of society! So who are we to judge them?
When a man who has been in every steriotype imaginable rises to have a family, and make a difference in his reservation, that's a success. When he relapses and starts drinking again...goodness me! Give the man a break! We right away judge...or write him off...but he is not a write off. he successfully went 7 years without a mess up! That's still a success!
Our vision is disturbing... I sometimes wonder why the native people didn't kill off the settlers...we are forever greatful to them. None of us would be in canada if they were half the stupid people we are.....
when you give directions with your lips"
I've been having a wierd day... Watching how my beautiful young ladies are affected by there history, and how Native people have been oppressed...working first hand with youth who adore their parents but hate them at the same time... seeing siblings who band together, brothers who look after sisters, and sisters who look after brothers... We are all going to be surprised by the success of the next generation I think...
I just spent some time watching the opening ceremonies from the olypics again...gets me every time! I can't help but cry when I watch how canada got the First Nations to welcome people to the olympics...
And yet it's a bitter sweet...Because as I watch a Pow wow, I am slightly uncomfortable, but overwhelmingly over-joyed at the same time... it's as if I want these people to have their land back... but at the same time, I feel so inferior! I know people say "Native people are strong"...but dang it they are frigging strong!!
My 12 year old, who has been through hell and back, chooses to have her own identity. She helps the homeless, and tries to get hi-fives in the mall because she has a need for acceptance. but you know what? With all of her friend's committing suicide and going to a school where the "lock ups" go, she keeps her own! She doesn't let herself get knocked around.
My 17 year old who is more street wise than I will ever be, has been called a "fucking squaw" by a police officer. She's been in and out of lock up, on perole...but she WILL NOT let a boy touch her! She has so much pride in who she is. She knows that "they're all the same" is a lie...and didn't believe it when the cop told it to her. In fact, she knows her totem, her colors and is a shawl dancer. She knows who she is, and has her identity. Despite everything she's been through, she has such a balanced outlook on life...towards cops, towards her abusive father, towards me, and cfs... towards her foster parents, her teachers.... She is still a teenager, but with such incredible wisdom for someone who has lived on the streets and so much more... I'd love to brag about her more, but you know the whole confidentiality thing...
Strength doesn't even begin to describe these people... what did the menno's do? they decided not to fight and are still stingy people that can't seem to get out of a rut....what about the irish? they're still ANGRY! and the Germans? well! They think the word "hitler" is a swear word... and how many centuries have we all had to get over our issues... here we are, getting all on the native people's case about saping the system...when our ancestors tried to commit cultural gennocide! Wow! Here they are! Remembering their language! Living at peace with us! Dancing! Singing! Remembering! Here they are, getting over their JUSTIFIABLE grudges, and making peace with the rest of society! So who are we to judge them?
When a man who has been in every steriotype imaginable rises to have a family, and make a difference in his reservation, that's a success. When he relapses and starts drinking again...goodness me! Give the man a break! We right away judge...or write him off...but he is not a write off. he successfully went 7 years without a mess up! That's still a success!
Our vision is disturbing... I sometimes wonder why the native people didn't kill off the settlers...we are forever greatful to them. None of us would be in canada if they were half the stupid people we are.....
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